You are not a mindreader. But hey, you are not blind either. And taking note of your significant other’s behavior and actions can tell us a world of information about where they stand in the relationship and how interested and engaged they are in you — or aren’t.
A relationship isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. As it runs its course, certain things may lead you to feel like he is losing interest in you and distancing himself from you. This can trigger anxieties and fears and insecurities and uncertainties. And you find yourself wondering: Is he losing interest in me?
There are some key indicators that his interest in you may be waning. Be aware of these signs, and know what you can do when faced with them. Is he losing interest? Read on to find out.
Is He Losing Interest? | The 12 Signs to Keep an Eye on
Here are 12 signs that he is losing interest in you — and what you can do about them.
1. The two of you are not Spending Anywhere Near as Much Time with Each other as you Used to do
You and your significant other are barely spending any time with each other anymore. There is hardly any ‘together’ time between the two of you. And in the event that you do spend time together. It is usually because YOU are the one who made plans and set them up.
You may have even had to coerce him towards participation. And there are times that you attempt to make plans, but then he goes and makes up an excuse or two or just finds a reason to get out of it.
Is he losing interest?
He clearly seems to be trying to do what he can to put some distance between the two of you, which may be so that it will be easier for him to end things somewhere down the line. If this were an ideal world, your man would just communicate to you how he really is feeling.
However, the reality is that guys tend to avoid having those awkward conversations to avoid feeling like they are the “bad guy” in the breakup. He may truly think he is just doing what he can to avoid causing you to hurt, but the truth is, he is just running from all of it.
What can I do?
You may want to get confirmation of whether or not he is just really busy suddenly. If you two have been with each other for quite some time now, you most likely have an idea of when he’s just getting too busy or stressed.
At the end of the day, there is no better way to handle this than to have a real, honest talk about how you both feel and where you stand, no matter the length of time you have been with each other.
If your man is just really not interested in being with you and spending time together, then you should just break things off. You definitely deserve better.
2. He Makes Excuses Often and Makes you Feel that for him, you are not a Priority Anymore
The way he has been acting lately is making you think that you are not a priority for him anymore. He does not pay attention to you, not really, not anymore. And the plans he makes just never seem to fit with your schedule. It seems like he is always too busy for you, but when it comes to other people and other activities, he always seems to find the time.
The worst part is that maybe when you first started seeing each other, he would do everything that you asked, making it hurt even more than these days; all he seems to do is make excuses and cancel on you.
Is he losing interest?
He may have begun to realize that he no longer wants to be with you but does not want to be the one who will end things between the two of you.
He is scared of being the one to initiate the breakup because of how it will hurt you. Or he may be afraid, to be honest with you about how he is truly feeling.
What can I do?
If your man is able to find the time for other people and the motivation for other activities but does not seem to be able to find time for you, then it seems clear that he does not want to be in this relationship anymore.
This is not going to be easy for you to hear, nor will it be easy for you to do, but it is just time to end your relationship with him.
3. He no Longer Makes Plans for the Future with you, such as Trips, Vacations, etc.
Remember how it was when you first got together and how he would often make future plans for the two of you? How he would plan for a friend’s wedding, you’d be attending together, or maybe a vacation to the beach or to the mountains.
Lately, however, he has begun to avoid committing to any plans set in the future. He has become non-committal and wishy-washy, even disinterested, any time that you try to bring up future plans with him.
Is he losing interest?
Your man may not want to commit himself to future plans with you simply because your man may just not want to commit himself to your relationship and to you. Basically, he’s not seeing a future right now for the two of you anymore, and he may just be waiting to cut the relationship short when the opportunity presents itself.
This is why he cuts short any conversations you begin about trips and vacations because he just knows in his heart that he will not follow through.
What can I do?
Things may get a little muddy here because it’s hard to tell for sure if he does not want to commit to you or if he just does not want to commit in general. It can be that he does not want to be in a relationship with you, but it can also be that he is simply afraid to be in a relationship, period.
Maybe it was that he was okay with making future plans with you casually in the beginning when your relationship wasn’t as serious, but as time went on and things got more serious, he saw where things were going, and the whole aspect of a serious commitment stared to scare him. The best thing to do here is for you to find a way to gently get him to open up and talk to you about commitment and share with you what it is he wants for his future.
Yes, maybe he is over the whole being in a relationship with you thing — but then again, maybe he is just petrified of commitment and needs you to help him get past it. The only way for you to know is by talking to him.
4. He Steers Clear of Questions Regarding your Relationship or What the Future Holds for you as a Couple
This most likely happening with a guy that you haven’t been with for much time, though it can also happen to couples who have been seeing each other for quite a bit. He is averse to putting a label on things and has maybe never really expressed a hint of a desire to make things more serious between you two.
He’s not making any effort to make it all official, and if you’ve tried at all to talk to him about it, he’s probably just made vague reasonings or excuses about friends or family or still wanting to make sure he is right for you or you are right for him.
All of this evasiveness is going on while he still engages in intimate relations with you and kind of treats you like his girlfriend anyway.
Is he losing interest?
If your man is carrying on like you two are in a relationship but does not seem to be willing to actually say it out loud and vocalize making a commitment to you, then there may be a strong chance he is not all that interested in anything deeper with you. Particularly if he’s all about phrases such as “We still need to be certain that we are right for each other”.
This does not mean that he does not like you at all, nor does it mean that the two of you don’t have any potential future together. But the odds of things deepening between you are not very favorable at the moment.
What can I do?
There is a tiny possibility that your man is just trying very, very hard to be certain that you and he are right for each other. But it is much more likely he’s just not particularly interested in having anything more than a casual thing with you. And especially so if his focus seems to be on physical intimacy rather than emotional intimacy.
If you’re finding yourself in a situation like this, stay true to what you want and don’t settle. If your heart desires a real commitment and he can’t deliver, you gotta let him go.
5. His Calls and Messages have Been Steadily Decreasing
Way back when the two of you used to call often and message each other often and he always wanted to see you. Lately, however, all that’s been slowing down steadily. Communication’s been decreasing, and there may even have been times he said he would call the next day but then didn’t.
There may even have been times that you don’t hear from him for days, then he’s suddenly want to meet you. And if he has been dodging your calls and his text responses have been vague and few, well, that’s even more of a red flag that something’s not right.
Is he losing interest?
Situations like these happen more likely if the two of you have just been seeing each other for a short while. Guys generally are not that great at faking interest, and if you haven’t been dating for long, then he’s most likely just not really all that interested or invested.
The fact that he still maintains some correspondence probably means he does not want to cut ties between you entirely and maybe still wants to hook up with you if he can play once in a while.
What can I do?
If a real, committed relationship is what you are looking for, then playing along with whatever he’s doing won’t cut it. You need to have a real conversation with him about what you want and what he wants in this relationship. If what you want and what he wants do not align, then move on.
The next time he pops up after going cold turkey on you for a while and wants to “hang”, speak out and call him out.
6. He’s Turned into Someone Who is Indecisive and Vague
When you and he first began dating, your man was always sure and decisive about his plans with you, about wanting to go out with you, and was never wishy-washy about what it is he wants to do. Recently though he’s turned into someone who is indecisive, and vague in his responses to you.
You ask him if he wants to go out, and he doesn’t know if he has time; you ask what he’ll be doing later, and he’s not sure.
He doesn’t share his plans with you much anymore, and then you just find out from other people what he’s been up to. If you try to ask him about it, he’ll be vague and wishy-washy, and it’s such a struggle to get a straight answer.
Is he losing interest?
When it comes to you, he’s always vague about his plans and about being able to find time for you, and he’s always wishy-washy or uncertain about what he wants you to do together when you ask; but when it comes to his friends, he always manages to make time.
This shows someone who is not really looking forward to being with you and maybe even dodging it. He’s vague when he answers because that’s an easy way not to really commit to plans with you.
What can I do?
Again, this is him attempting to distance himself and even maybe put the burden or “choice” of breaking upon you to avoid being the “bad guy”. He will most likely keep avoiding your questions or attempt at discussions, and he may be offended even when you try to vocalize how he’s been treating you.
There is a possibility that you can work through this with professional help, but unless the two of you have major history, it may be best to cut him loose.
7. There is no Romance
You feel that he isn’t trying to be romantic and that he is starting to slack off in your relationship. He rarely makes plans to have a couple of times with you or take you out on nice dates. There is zero effort from him, or he’s grazing the barest minimum. You realize he only responds when you call him or text him, and he never does the initiating himself when it comes to conversations.
Most of all, you find changes in how he’s been carrying himself with you: He does not try to win you over or impress you, he does not make an effort to maintain his appearance for you, things like that.
Is he losing interest?
Simply put, his behavior directly reflects his feelings. Basically, a part of him is not motivated anymore to go out of his way and make an effort for you. Remember, when we adore someone and adore being with them, we are inspired to do things for them and with them.
Also, a part of him likely is also attempting to distance himself from you as much as possible.
What can I do?
The best course of action to take would be to keep in mind again that this may not actually be about you or your relationship, and he may just be going through some life events that are making him unmotivated or uninspired in general. If you know him well enough, then you will probably be aware if something major is going on with him, and if this is the case, then you should be a source of support and strength during this time, and hopefully, once he gets past this things will be okay again in your relationship.
If this isn’t the case, then the only thing to do is to talk to him about this, and if what he says to explain and justify doesn’t seem to cut it, then it’s on you to cut him loose and move on.
8. He has Turned into Someone Who is Rude and Defensive, and Things Often Escalate to Fights
Remember that sweet, nice guy you first fell in love with? He’s not like that anymore. He intentionally picks on you or does things that he knows annoys you. It may even seem like he’s trying to irritate you on purpose.
He’s sarcastic; he insults you; he ignores you. Things often escalate into fights, and then he tries to make you feel like it’s your fault.
Is he losing interest?
There is no way around it: Your man is trying to irritate you and antagonize you, whether intentionally or even subconsciously. The truth is, he may just not want to be in a relationship with you anymore but isn’t strong enough to be the one to end things.
He’s heading towards cutting this relationship loose and is trying to drive you nuts so that you will be the one to break things off. He is trying to avoid being the “bad guy” and taking the cowardly and means way out.
What can I do?
Honestly, there isn’t a lot that you can do in a situation like this. Your man has made up his mind that he does not want to be your man anymore, and it is now a waiting game depending on how much more of that behavior you can take.
The best thing to do for you is to leave. Do not waste your time, energy, and emotions on someone who surrounds you with so much toxicity.
9. You are no Longer Having Sex or are Having it Much Less Than you Used to
You and your man have not engaged in physical intimacy for quite some time. When you first got together, things were really steamy and sexy, and you just could not get enough of each other. But that was then. These days, sexy times and intimate moments are so few and so far between, and you can barely recall the last time you were intimate or held hands or kissed or hugged.
You may even have tried to initiate intimacy sometimes and then gotten rebuffed, with him saying he’s tired.
Is he losing interest?
The fact that he no longer wants to engage in intimacy with you most likely is not just about the physical intimacy but also the emotional intimacy between you two. The decline and even absence of physical intimacy are just more noticeable on a surface level.
What can I do?
It all boils down to how long you have been with him and how much and how deeply you cherish your relationship. There may be certain things that you can try to do to reignite the fire and the spark, but you and you alone can decide if you feel the effort will be worth it.
Then again, there is also the possibility that he may be getting gratification when it comes to intimacy with another person, and if this is what is happening, then just kick him to the curb.
10. You are only Having Sex
So you and he are just doing it all the time, and that is just about the only thing you do whenever you are together. This can manifest in a number of ways. It may be that you do not see each other a lot and when you do he just pressures you into sexual activities with him. It may be that you always have sex, but you notice that his interest is waning in other areas.
It may be that you haven’t heard from him for a while, and you never really go out, and he suddenly messages you to come over when he finds it convenient. Or it may be that the sex now feels routine and boring, and he’s just being mechanical and out to gratify himself only.
Is he losing interest?
Here’s the thing: If your man only just engages with you sexually, then he’s not really looking to be your man anymore and to be in a real relationship with you. Maybe he is using sex as a barrier to keep emotional talks at bay, or maybe it’s as basic as him just wanting sex from you and nothing more. He is only there for the sex, and the moment he can replace you, he most likely will.
What can I do?
Leave. Just leave. Sure, there may be a part of you that feels tempted to try and “fix” this guy, but the truth is he probably is aware of that and is using it to benefit him. Unless a no-strings-attached entanglement that’s just sex is what you want, then this guy is not the guy who deserves to have you invest in him.
11. It has Turned into a One-Sided Relationship
Before, he would know your schedule and how your day would go, and he would send you texts throughout the day to say hey and check-in. You two used to talk a lot and have deep, meaningful conversations. Lately, though, it seems you are the only one interested in conversing with him.
He rarely calls or texts, and when he does, it’s like he’s hardly even into it. It takes him a long time to call back or respond — if he even does. It’s basically a zero effort thing and likes having a relationship with a brick wall.
Is he losing interest?
Like a few other previously mentioned signs, this one could be a reflection of where he stands in your relationship or if it could be a reflection of something going on in his life. If your man is going through something and possibly not sharing what he’s going through with you, then that magnifies any feelings of neglect you may have. And if it isn’t about a personal matter, then clearly, he is just trying to distance himself.
What can I do?
In this situation, if you are aware that he is going through something, then just do all you can to make him feel supported and loved. This is why it is very important for you to gently try to get him to open up and talk to him about what he is going through and make him feel that he is not alone. However, if there isn’t any personal issue he’s dealing with, then turn around and walk far, far away.
12. Your Relationship has Become Stagnant
The two of you are still meeting up and hanging out, and spending time together. You aren’t fighting, nothing like that. But somehow, things between you two just feel less romantic, and you’re feeling more of a friendly vibe. No ups and downs here; only a flat line. Something like this would stand out even more if you started off really strong together and just sort of tapered off as time went on.
Or you may have been dating for quite a while, and yet he refuses to label things or move on to the next step, and when you want to talk to him about your relationship, his response is avoidance.
Is he losing interest?
Okay, so here’s the thing: Sometimes, it may not be that he is trying to be neglectful or mean, but he’s just not feeling it. He is not at all trying to cause you pain or hurt you, and breaking up with you isn’t even something that crossed his mind. For him, the feelings may just not be there.
On the other end of the spectrum, they may be there, but he’s scared of taking the next step and scared of the idea of commitment, so he may be holding off subconsciously.
What can I do?
If you two have not been together for a long time and he is not actively ignoring or avoiding you, then you can try and take things slow so as to not pressure him or come off too strong. If you two have been in a relationship for quite some time, then you can try to reignite the spark and magic between you two.
The truth is, it isn’t all that unusual for things to dull down a little in a relationship after that overwhelming honeymoon phase. If, after all your efforts, he still continues to be uninterested and disconnected, then it may just be time to accept that he is just not the one. Not for you.
Conclusion
Having the question of ‘Is he losing interest?” weighing on your mind can be very difficult and painful. There are many telltale signs that can help lead you to an answer. But keep in mind that the list we provided above is not exhaustive: There are many other signs that can indicate a loss of interest, and some of the signs listed above may not actually indicate that but something else going on.
The best thing to do is still to try and really talk to your significant other about where you both stand and be honest about your feelings. And if that’s not something he’s willing to do, then it may be best to just move on.
Hey there, Martha here, a full-time mom of two, currently trying to bring a small impact in everyone’s life whom I can reach through The Queen Momma. I usually write on topics related to parenting, pregnancy and motherhood. Having gone through a few rocky relationships myself, I consider myself somewhat of an “expert” on topics related to dating and relationships.
I formerly worked at Special Needs Network Inc and BrightStar Care of Beverly Hills as a head manager. I have a passion for assisting organizations and individuals in achieving their objectives and have had the opportunity to do so throughout my professional career. At present, writing for The Queen Momma is a great addition to my professional career.