If he’s toxic with you, he’s toxic for your kids

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A husband and wife are deemed to stick with one another despite trials because they are supposed to outlast it together. They make the best duo and the finest companion for each other for the rest of their lives. When the world seems to turn their back on you, your spouse is someone whom you could work with in the most harmonious way.

However, not everyone has the same situation. Some women suffer because they are tied to their toxic spouses and unfortunately, some don’t realize that a toxic husband will cause them to struggle in reaching their personal goals.

And here’s why:

1. Your husband hinders you from growing.

A manipulative husband tends to lure you into a path where you would remain stagnant. Letting you stay at home, always cook for him and do the chores for him… Admit it, you wouldn’t be able to grow if you’re just staying at one place and doing nothing but the same old thing every single day — and that is draining especially for women who are fond of working and trying exciting things to spice up their career.

2. They wanted you to SOLVE all the problems.

If a toxic spouse is experiencing frustration, they most likely to expect you to solve for it… even if the problem isn’t marriage-related, and even if it’s the slightest inconvenience. They would always make you feel as if it is your fault and that it’s your responsibility to make them feel better. This cycle is quite exhausting, as you could be focusing on working on your goals but end up catering to your toxic husband.

3. You find yourself withdrawing from your family, friends and other social interaction.

Environment and relationship are the most important things to maintain. You need them to sustain positivity and gain support in your endeavor. If you find yourself drawing back from your family, friends and other social interaction because your husband is asking you to do so or trying to guilt-trip you into not spending time with him every time you are with them, then there must be a problem.

4. They are too controlling

A toxic husband tend to be controlling. They would tell you how you should spend your money, how you should spend the day, spend the weekend, who you should hang out with, what you should work on, and even down to the little things such as what to prepare for dinner or how the living room should look like. It’s pretty obvious if they control you in everything that you do then they can be a hindrance for you to achieve success because basically, they act as if they own you when in reality, you are two individuals tied in a string of vows. You are bound to spend your life together and NOT controlling each other.

5. His negative energy drags you down.

One of the factors as to why a person can’t seem to find progress is their relationship with other people. Does it give them a positive outlook in life? Or dragging them down? Everyone experiences bad days, it’s normal for a person to feel awful about something. But a spouse who poisons their partner’s high spirit because they feel terrible is unusual. Sure, misery loves company but you should never feel as if an anchor was tied around your ankle… A healthy marriage should NOT spoil one’s goal. It should be an aid to achieving success!

6. If he’s toxic with you, then he must be also toxic for your kids

Toxic husbands are never good for you! At first, they might seem like they’re fine, but after a while, you will realize that your own success is at stake. It’s not right to stay with someone who is not good for your mental health and overall well-being. But it’s also not right to teach your kids to hate their father. Even if dealing with them might be too overwhelming and frustrating, you need to open the issue with your kids and try to explain to them what works out and what doesn’t in your family. That way, they will be able to understand and they won’t cause a much bigger wound. The overall well-being of your kids must come first all the time.

 

 

 

 

32 thoughts on “If he’s toxic with you, he’s toxic for your kids”

  1. I do agree with the article. However, sometime we have to reflect as well. What makes one toxic? Usually men becomes toxic if the women are nagging wives. 🙂

    Reply
    • Insightful comment from a man’s perspective! And in what level does a wife or a partner becomes a “nagger” to you? Otherwise, if a man becomes unjustifiably toxic, that for me is really destructive.

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    • Men become toxic because their ego takes over not because they have a nagging wife. It’s a choice to become toxic. Blaming the wife is called victim blaming. The man simply makes the choice to be controlling. Ready Lundy Bancroft’s book, Why does he do that?

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      • You are right Mme Jacquline. Egos is the culprits. If someone who put himself first and you second it is bad. If he puts you last then it is time to go.

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    • True enough. Having “no resources” at all is not a reason not to leave a bad relationship that keeps you from growing.

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  2. Interesting read. It’s unfortunate for those women that find themselves in this kind of situation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

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    • You are so lucky! Whilst we can’t choose who we love and who we meet along the way, sure we can create a life we love and we dearly desire. Whatever it is that keeps us from becoming the best version of ourselves is just NOT worth it. I hope everybody gets that point. 🙂

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  3. These are great points and hopefully can help anyone who is in this situation. Support is always available. Wonderful article.

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  4. Women need to get it out of their heads to ‘stay for the children’ & instead do what is best for them & that is to ‘not’ stay in a toxic relationship. I hope this helps some women in this position.

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    • Staying with a toxic person only teaches your children how to become toxic themselves. Leaving is the best way to show your children that you will not tolerate toxic behaviors. Our children need to see us stand up to toxic people not lay down and be their doormat.

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  5. I think this post is great, even if you don’t have a toxic husband, it brings to light any toxic person in your life. These people suck the life out of you and try to drag you down. At some point you have to say enough is enough and cut out the cancer.

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  6. This is a great article! I went through a HORRIBLE first marriage and I though since I had invested so much time in the relationship and we had been together for x amount of years that I should stick it through. Moving on was the BEST thing I ever did.

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  7. I mean it can go both ways, it all depends on the person, sure if you marry someone and you have some bumps in the marriage you try to get it to work out, if you can’t do the adult thing and move on, you tried it didn’t work and that is it, marriage is a commitment, and before it you should really get to know the person better, because if you just jump into it toxicity can happen.

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  8. This is a very helpful post for those who need to leave their husband. But I hope that maybe with counseling, maybe one can fix their behavior?

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  9. I think women should know these toxic signs. Sometimes we become blinded by love that we tend to just let things go or let things happen, not knowing that the relationship has become toxic. First and foremost, we need to value ourselves, respect and preserve our dignity

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  10. Wives have free choice to stay in an abusive relationship or stay until forever and embrace the sufferings. If a woman chose to stay, then its her choice and she couldnt blame others.

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  11. Sometimes some relations dont go well and unfortunately it is the time to move on. You have raised an important point and very helpful the women who are going through this kind of time.

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  12. I believe that when you marry the person, you embrace all his/ her flaws. It might be detrimental to a person to stay in a relationship like this but I do think that we’re all tainted with flaws. I guess, it all depends to a person’s point of view.

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  13. venjoy reading your sharing & agreeable to some points shared. However, also important to find out the root cause to solve the toxic issue. Trying best to resolve, then let go a family built. Just a personal thought. cheers, siennylovesdrawing

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  14. I think one should try talk, express and resolve first. If that doesn’t work no point continuing something that makes you unhappy.

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  15. I’d hope that the toxicity would show itself before marriage. It’s a little easier (not by much) to get out before getting married, because you’re only at risk of losing the relationship, not your house/money/kids. Obviously, it doesn’t always happen that way, but you should learn the signs before you get married and not after.

    Reply

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