We’ve all been there: You meet a guy, you get to know them, you start liking them, you start really liking them. You’re hitting it off, and you are vibing together, and you think, “Hey, this feels great. We should go out.”
And then you wait. And wait. And you start thinking, “How can I get him to ask me out?” And then you start worrying that maybe he doesn’t see you that way. Or that you’ve been put in that dreaded friend zone.
Well, stop worrying and start reading! There are ways to get out of that zone, to get him to see you in a different light, and to get him to ask you out. With a few subtle hints and flirty behavior and body language, you can definitely make a mark on his mind and his heart — and make it almost impossible for him to resist you!
How To Get A Guy To Ask You Out
13 simple and effective ways to get him to make a move
How To Get A Guy To Ask You Out Part One: SHOW INTEREST
To get out of the dreaded friend zone and get him to see in a new light (aka the “Hey, I wanna ask her out” light!), you should find ways to show interest in him subtly; note the word subtly, ladies: It’s important to find the right balance and not come off as too desperate, needy, or even obsessed. Coming on too strong will have the opposite effect of scaring him away rather than drawing him nearer to you! But doing this subtly will pique his interest and leave him wondering about all the possibilities.
Work your body, play with words, exhibit the right attitude. These small things will work wonders!
1. Speak with your body.
Finding it difficult to, well, find the right words? This step doesn’t need words! Your body language can do the talking for you. The way you communicate with your body will help show him that you are interested in exploring avenues other than friendship. Keep this in mind: The way you sit, stand, and move is a very effective way to communicate.
You know that feeling, when you’re talking to someone about something or you’re even just sitting or standing beside them, and then you suddenly either get the feeling that they may not be all that into you or you suddenly feel like it’s so easy to warm up to them? That is body language doing the work.
So, to show your man that there is definitely an interest there, be mindful of how you hold yourself when you are with him. Angle your body towards him when you are talking, avoid having your arms crossed over your chest, keep your feet pointed at him. These are all things that make you more open to him. And then, and this is a key bit, sprinkle in a few light touches. Nothing creepy or boundary-crossing, of course! Just things like brushing his arm lightly while talking, touching his knee gently as you stand up, and so on. If the thought of you asking you out is beginning to cross his mind, those little touches can be just the encouragement he needs to go for it.
2. It’s in the eyes.
It can never be said enough: Eye contact is an incredible way to establish a connection with someone. It’s a way to feed into the chemistry you may have with a person. And it helps communicate that you are interested in a person, too.
The eyes are the window to the soul, they say. And it’s also a very good way to communicate your emotions and thoughts. So use this to your advantage! Keep your eyes on him when you are speaking with each other to feel connected to you. Stare into his peepers just the right amount of time to make him break into a smile and then playfully look away. Make it clear he’s got your attention, but also pull away at the right time to make him want it more.
Sometimes, look down and smile adorably so you look a little coy, in a way that will pique his attention even more. When he’s across the room, glance his way every so often, catch his gaze, and then hold it for a split second before looking elsewhere. This will make him feel more connected to you and very intrigued about you!
3. Flirt your way to his heart.
A great and super fun way to help take things to the next level and spice things up is by flirting. Again, the important thing here is to find the right balance by using subtly to your advantage and making sure not to come on too strong because that will make you seem too eager and aggressive. However, flirting just the right way and the right amount will get his heart racing and make him want you in a not-so-friendly way!
There are a bunch of great ways you can get your flirt on subtly and discreetly that will make him start thinking of you differently or encourage those thoughts in him if they’re already in his head! Play a little with your hair in a sexy, playful way. Speak a little more softly when you are with him — it makes you more alluring and, as a bonus, will make him lean in towards you more when he talks to you. Find ways to compliment him subtly, not too obviously, but in a way that shows him, you like what you’re seeing. Find ways to appear a little more enticing by leaning in a bit towards him, showing him just the teeniest peek of your skin, small gestures that help show your best assets while keeping it classy.
Another great flirting technique is playfully teasing him. The keyword here is playful. Keep things light and fun, and gently tease him about what he’s wearing or something he said. It establishes rapport and can even lead to a few cute inside jokes that only you and he share, making that flirtatious connection just that much stronger. Being flirty feeds into your chemistry and can make it stronger and make sparks fly!
How To Get A Guy To Ask You Out Part Two: GIVE HINTS
Showing him interest via body language is a strong start. However, if you find that’s not your thing or if your guy still seems a little uncertain or unsure about if you are even into him in that way, then you can help him towards the path of asking you out by dropping a few hints here and there! After all, he may already have going out with you on his mind, but because he is unsure where he stands with you, this may discourage him from making a move. Little hints will steer him in the right direction and lessen the fear of rejection.
4. Casually chat about your plans.
A good way for him to find the right window to ask you out is by bringing up your plans into the conversation in a casual way. By telling him what you plan to do, it’s an excellent way for him to join in with ease. It’s low pressure, easy, and light way for fun hangouts to happen, which can then turn into more dates!
Wondering how you can work in your plans in casual convos with your crush? If you’re walking together from someplace, you can subtly weave in that you are hungry or losing for a caffeine fix, and this can lead to him asking you to go for a quick bite or a cup of Joe. If you’re gonna be at a casual, fun party over the weekend, do an off-hand mention of that. He may express an interest in joining you, especially if mutual friends of yours will be there too.
Have any fun things in the works in the next few weeks, like plans to check out a new movie or a new bar or a concert you want to go to. This allows him to join you, especially if it’s something he’s interested in. And if you just happen to bump into him, you can casually mention that you’re on your way to getting a snack or are about to go for a walk. It gives him an opening to maybe join you if he’s free!
5. Let him know what you’re up to and what your schedule looks like.
Before you say anything, no, this doesn’t mean you should give him a complete rundown of what your schedule looks like from sun up to sun down! An itinerary of your day-to-day isn’t the sexiest of conversations to have. Know what is subtly sexy, though? Peppering your conversation with casual mentions of what you’re up to and times that you may be free. These little nuggets of information can entice him into maybe sharing some of that free time you have with him.
For example, if you run into him at a bar, mention something like, “I adore this place, I love coming here on Fridays for happy hour!”. While talking, mention that Saturdays are your days off and you’re interested in checking out a new eatery, and ask if he’s been there. Or tell him that you usually go for a jog on Wednesday afternoons alone and think jogging with someone may be fun too!
When he knows more about how your week goes and when you’re off work or school and knows about your habits and interests and what you’re into, it’s an excellent way for him to more easily find opportunities or orchestrate ways to see you again and spend more time with you!
6. Embrace your common interests.
Know what the magic word is in the term “common interests”? That’s right; it’s “common.” As in something you share with another person. As in something you can definitely embrace and use to your advantage when you’re looking for ways to get your crush to ask you out. If you and your guy find that there are things you both like, then that can lead to you and him thinking you can maybe do those things or go to those things together!
You can use some talking points that most people usually have a common interest in. One great one is music. Music is a cool interest that most share. You can talk about the bands you like, the type of music you prefer listening to, and so on. If you find that you favor the same band, or like a certain type of music, play that up, so that when there’s a chance to go to a concert or live show he knows you would both appreciate, he may think of taking you to it. Sports is another good one. You may find that you and he share a passion for the same sport or even the same team (or opposing ones!). Casually ask him if he’s recently been at a game or if he’s watching the next big live TV coverage or a match. That can lead to him thinking about watching it with you.
Food is one excellent talking point as well. Chat with him about the food you like, eateries you want to try out, and so on. You may eventually find the food you both enjoy, and that can turn into him making plans with you to eat out at a place that serves what you both like!
7. Drop little hints into casual conversation.
This is a little more direct than the previous suggestions, but still really subtle too. The goal is to broach the topic of relationships and dating, all very casually, so that these topics will be on his mind while talking to you, leading to him thinking about you in particular. This will maybe entail a little more courage on your part to bring up these topics, but the payoff can make it all really worthwhile.
You can open up to him about how these days you are single, and that’s cool, but sometimes you miss having someone to watch movies with or cook your favorite meal for. You can even maybe talk about “perfect dates,” share what yours is and maybe get him to share his. Talk about stuff you look for in a partner, and you and he can even find that you want the same things, which will make him feel a connection to you and maybe see you in that light.
Topics and conversations like these are actually good ways to take your relationship out of the friend zone. By talking about these things, you subtly bring romance into the mix, which may get him thinking about you more romantically.
How To Get A Guy To Ask You Out Part Three: CONNECT
If you want the thought of asking you out to start crossing his mind more often, then you have to both feel that chemistry between you two. And one effective way for your chemistry to come more into the forefront is by establishing a stronger connection with him. If he builds a connection and he feels that connection with you, the chemistry will be more palpable, and he’ll start thinking that maybe it’s time to take things to a whole new level.
8. Share a laugh (or two, or a hundred!) together.
Laughter is the best medicine. That is a fact. And it is also a super awesome way to connect with someone! Ever notice how many people mention “a good sense of humor” as something they’re looking for in a potential date or partner? Sharing a laugh with someone is a magical thing. Laughter brings people closer together and is an excellent way to foster a bond with each other.
Don’t worry; you don’t have to be a stand-up comedian or crack joke after joke after joke. Just play with each other’s sense of humor in simple yet fun ways. Talk about a face TV series of yours, and you may find that you share similar tastes for what’s funny and end up talking about shared jokes from the show! You can also find that he finds something else funny that you may not be familiar with, and he can tell you about it too.
Wit is very attractive. So when you’re talking to each other, let your inner witty self come out and play. Throw in a few quips or puns. Teasingly make fun of him or something you both observed, build that rapport, and develop some inside jokes. You’ll soon find that there are things that will both make you laugh, and he’ll find himself smiling when he sees those things, and he’ll think of you. He’ll realize how much fun he has with you and how happy he feels, and he’ll want more of that with you.
9. Let him feel needed / Ask for his help.
If you want him to ask you out, he should start viewing you as more like his “leading lady.” And the way to do that is to tap into the male primal instinct of wanting to protect you and be there for you! Men like feeling needed and feeling like he is your protector. It sounds a bit silly and even archaic, but it is just about that built-in wiring of men to want to take care of someone important to them.
You don’t have to come up with extreme, contrived situations where he has to play the hero literally. All it takes is a few keywords here and there, little requests you can maybe tell him, small things that can trigger that thing called hero instinct. It can be as small as asking him for help carrying a heavy bag or requesting that he walk you back to your car because it’s dark outside, or buy you a warm drink because you feel cold. It may seem insignificant, but these things make him feel like you need him, that he matters in your life.
Another thing you can do is to ask him for help or advice. It’s an excellent way for you to get his attention and showing him that he is valuable in your eyes. Plus, when he helps you out with something, it’s a chance for you two to spend more time together.
10. Get to know him more.
To be more of a connection between the two of you, you have to get to know each other better. Getting to know him more shows him that you are interested in him as a person. As he opens up to you, he’ll see what a good listener you are and how caring you are, and he’ll form more of a bond with you as well.
So when you are with him, try to ask him more about his life, about what’s been going on. Ask how he’s been doing, what he’s thinking. Be someone he can see himself opening up to and sharing his dreams, feelings, and thoughts. It can start from the simplest things, like asking him about his work or that basketball game he played over the weekend. You can also encourage him to open up by sharing a few things about yourself too. And when he talks, listen. Listen, and gently keep the conversation going.
As he feels more and more that he can open up to you and be himself with you, he’ll feel a deeper connection with you. And as you get to know him more (and he gets to know you more), then that connection just gets stronger. Having that special bond between the two of you can lead to him wanting to explore a more intimate relationship with you and make him want to ask you out.
How To Get A Guy To Ask You Out Part Four: Be Fabulously You
Perhaps the most important thing you have to remember when you want to get a guy to ask you out is this: Be you. Be fabulously you. Know how amazing you are, and know your worth, and he’ll know it too. Being who you are is your most valuable tool, and he will be drawn to the awesome, confident, and genuine person you are.
11. Confidence is key.
Confidence is a desirable trait. We hear that a lot, and it is true. Men are drawn to women who exude confidence. But of course, when you are so into a guy, and you are longing for him to ask you it, it may be challenging for you to act and feel and be confident. Situations like these can lead to some self-doubt because of the uncertainty.
When this happens, there’s this saying that goes, “Fake it until you make it.” Even if you may feel a little uncertain on the inside, try to act confidently on the outside. Avoid acting insecure or full of doubt about yourself. If you appear confident, he will think that you’re someone who will be fantastic to be with on a date. And you know what, as you act more confident, eventually the real, inner confidently incredible you will show itself again!
Here are a few very simple changes you can apply to the way you carry yourself and think about yourself that can make you feel more confident:
Stand tall, and don’t be afraid to take up some space. Avoid slouching or trying to make yourself smaller or less conspicuous. You deserve to be there; you deserve to be seen. You are amazing.
Quit worrying about what he may be thinking. Hey, if he doesn’t ask you out right then and there, that is fine; that just means someone else will get the chance to ask you out and spend time with you. Be confident enough to be who you are, and express an interest in him without obsessing over how he’ll choose to take it. That will lead to a more confident you — which is also much more attractive to him.
Speak more clearly and with more confidence. Your words are your words. Own them. Quit caring too much about what he will think about every word you say. Just speak your mind and tell your stories and let it all develop naturally from there.
12. Let the happy, positive vibes flow.
It’s human nature that when we are a little nervous, we tend to exude less than positive vibes and can even pull others down with us without meaning to. When we overthink or let ourselves be taken over by our insecurities, our personalities become overshadowed by all of that.
So when you feel these things start to take over, remember these four words: Snap out of it. Or another set of four words: Don’t worry, be happy. Or even just these two words: Be positive. You are amazing! Don’t let your awesome self be weighed down. Let the real you shine. Positive, happy people draw others to them like a magnet. Be radiant and confident. This is very, very sexy.
A guy cannot resist a girl who is carefree and optimistic and exudes good energy. If you are that type of woman around him, then he will be drawn more to you because you will make him feel all those happy feelings too. And he will want to be around you more and will find himself wanting to ask you out.
13. You look amazing. You are amazing. Know it. Believe it.
Attraction, and relationships, for that matter, are not about the way that you look. But it is a truth that physical attraction is a factor. Here’s another truth: You are a goddess. You don’t have to change yourself or make yourself a certain way to get him to like you. You have to know that you are amazing just as you are. And believe it.
Work with what you’ve got. Wear what you know looks good on you, and flaunt it. Be comfortable in your skin. Let him get a flavor of you, the real you, on your best day. See, it’s not about being model-perfect, or those unattainable standards of beauty are shown all over social media. It’s about you. Nothing is sexier than a confident and comfortable woman in her skin, and who knows how great she is. That’s what’s attractive. That’s what will make him more attracted to you.
The confidence and awesomeness that is oozing out of you will make you so irresistible to him. He’ll look at you, and he’ll see the woman he wants to be with. And that will make him want to ask you out.
How To Get A Guy To Ask You Out Bonus Tip: JUST ASK.
At the end of the day, here’s something to keep in mind: If you want something, go for it. If all else fails or you’re not one to wait too long, then you can just ask him.
Just like you, he might be scared of being rejected, or he may still be unsure of whether you are actually really interested. He may secretly lack confidence as well. Everything that’s been going through your mind may have been going through his as well. If you really like him, then you can make a move. A lot of men think a woman who goes for what she wants is very, very irresistible.
In these times, the key is to make your mark. Make an effort and leave a lasting impression. Keep it subtle and classy, and get him to look at you the way you want him to. And above all else, be yourself in everything you choose to do. Whatever tips and ways you choose to try to get him to ask you out, the most important thing is to be yourself all throughout. That is the secret ingredient.
Hey there, Martha here, a full-time mom of two, currently trying to bring a small impact in everyone’s life whom I can reach through The Queen Momma. I usually write on topics related to parenting, pregnancy and motherhood. Having gone through a few rocky relationships myself, I consider myself somewhat of an “expert” on topics related to dating and relationships.
I formerly worked at Special Needs Network Inc and BrightStar Care of Beverly Hills as a head manager. I have a passion for assisting organizations and individuals in achieving their objectives and have had the opportunity to do so throughout my professional career. At present, writing for The Queen Momma is a great addition to my professional career.