If you have reached this article, then you have already figured out that you are desperate to get your ex back. You had a recent breakup and are now finding it hard to deal with it.
Before we dig into how to get your ex to talk to you first, we need to analyze the reason for the breakup.
Were you abusive? Did you do something that went to an extreme? Then we doubt if there is a way to patch things up.
However, if the parting was not aggressive, then there are still chances that you two may get back together.
Let us work on how do you get your ex to talk to you first? Trust me, if you think that your ex will call you up one day, sounding equally desperate to get back with you, then this will not happen. You need to work towards it to make your ex miss you psychologically and physically. It is only then they will leave back any inhibitions and pick up the phone to call you.
How to Get Your Ex to Talk to You First?
Did we confuse you here? It is a breakup, and you are not in touch with each other still you are supposed to make your ex miss you physically and emotionally. How is that supposed to happen? Don’t worry because we have sorted things out for you. All that you need to do is to follow the steps listed below.
1. Give Each Other Space
Being clingy does not work. This is where you need the No Contact rule. You want to stay away from your ex’s life, eventually making them miss you and feel your absence. This is what will make them grow fonder of you, ultimately pushing them to call you up when it gets irresistible to bear the separation.
Your ex is so used to having you around that they have never got the chance to realize how it could feel when you are not with them. This is the time to make them experience it.
People like the mystery and the chase which will make them crave for you more. It makes your ex to ultimately call you up to know what the suspense is all about.
You are missing them too and we know that. But if you want your ex back, you need to be a little tough on yourself.
You need this space as well. Restricting yourself from contacting your ex temporarily lets you gather your thoughts so you can think rationally. You are emotionally drained and miserable after the breakup, and you need this time to gain composure. Taking some time off is essential because it lets you clear your head, sit back and see where the relationship was headed, and understand what to do better if you eventually get back together.
The plan feels a little counterintuitive. Does it work?
You want to get your ex back severely and you are worried that breaking all contact may backfire. Do not worry. It does not work that way.
You were in love, and the sudden breakup makes you feel cheated. You feel devastated, sad, angry, lost, confused, and are rolling in a mixture of emotions. You need to slow down and get your thoughts in line and this is why you need a break.
Think about it! What do you do when you get angry with someone? You lose your temper and start shouting, demeaning, and blaming the other person. And you later repent for what you have said. But at times the damage cannot be undone.
In this situation, your partner proposes a breakup. You pick up the phone and speak your mind out without thinking. Then this is what happens. Your ex deletes your number from their phone forever never to call you back again. There is no point crying after that. The No Contact rule saves you from committing this blunder.
When you do not contact your ex for some time, your ex starts to see that you have taken the breakup positively. You do not portray yourself as needy, which makes your ex want you more. Now they are curious to know the reason for the carefree attitude that you are showing.
They are shattered to see you relaxed and calm. They thus pick up the phone desperate to understand what is up with you.
What if you live in the same locality and you accidentally bump into each other? There is nothing to worry about. Just say a polite “Hi” and move ahead.
The idea is not to be obsessive. Taking a step back is vital to let your ex value you.
Giving each other some time off will make you and your ex understand how valuable the relationship was. And when this realization seeps in, it makes you both work towards making the relationship stronger to sustain it for a lifetime.
There is a reason behind every breakup and you do not want to harass your ex, making them feel unsafe. Staying away shows that you respect their boundaries, feelings, and wishes. It will make them even more enticed to you. And this works in most cases to rekindle the relationship.
So let your ex anticipate your presence and miss you which is not possible if you constantly call or text them. The situation will take control giving time to both of you to heal. This was needed to recuperate and to think about the relationship from a different perspective.
The waiting game works. It proves that you are not readily available for your ex. It makes your ex wonder about what’s going on in your life and BAM. They pick up the phone one fine day and talks to you first.
Pushing yourself a bit too hard ultimately did pay off.
2. Be Positive, Happy, and Work on Improving Yourself
Answer this truthfully. Who wants to date a negative, shabby and unhappy person? You would agree – No one. To make your ex call you first, you need to make them feel attracted to you again. And to achieve that, you need to be happy from within.
The idea is to be independent and not clingy on someone for your happiness. Most relationships crumble because of overdependence on the partner. You now have lots of time in hand, so invest it in yourself. Eventually, you will enjoy spending time alone, and this independence will pull your ex to you.
There is no point crying over the breakup. Get out and moving!
What can you do?
Exercise and eat right because it shows. Regularly going to the gym or indulging in any form of exercise keeps your mind away from the breakup. It makes you energized, letting you stay happy from within. You stay active and cheerful all through the day, which creates a stark transformation in you.
Eating right is important. Breakups can get devastating, pushing you to late-night snacking and consuming sweets and fried stuff to overcome depression. When you start exercising, you automatically focus on eating right.
You see a glow on your face, you are back in shape, and it makes you fall in love with yourself. Go shopping for lovely outfits for your fitter and leaner stature. Trust me; your ex is watching you.
Meditate to calm your mind and to stay focused. Meditation brings in a lot of positive energy, keeping you fulfilled and content from within. And these things do not escape. With friends and family complimenting you on the makeover, the day is not far when you will find your ex’s number flashing on your smartphone screen.
3. Party, Date and Go on a Vacation! In Short, just Freak Out!
Your ex has dumped you, so what? You still have a life to live. Call your friends up and plan a vacation. It gives you a break and lets your ex see that you are enjoying yourself.
An evening outing with friends at a coffee shop, spa sessions, or a weekend getaway works to put your point across to your ex.
Go on solo trips if your friends are not ready to join. Meet new people and make new friends. It will let you gain confidence, and you will outgrow yourself since you are now capable of forming your social circle and enjoying life to the fullest.
You are officially single and it is acceptable to explore the world of dating. A little romance is good for health. A short-term romantic fling is a great idea, but the intention should not be to make your ex jealous lest it could backfire. Seeing you with someone else will move your ex-lover to take action, and if done right this step may work to your advantage.
People tend to get a feeling of urgency when they begin to lose something. This desperation will immediately show when your ex sees you with someone else.
Your ex is noticing all your moves, and they are pondering over what made them want to break up with such a lovable person in the first place.
4. Take Bold Steps Confidence is always Appreciated!
Did you want to quit your job for long to pursue an area of interest? It is time to make this daring change. You have no idea what impact this can have on your ex. They will start seeing you differently as an independent and confident person. It certainly feels that the desperation to get back together is shifting from you to your ex.
These little positive changes can have a phenomenal impact on your ex, and it is bound to capture their attention.
Always remember the paradox here should not be to do any act to impress or make your ex jealous. Else it could go all wrong. You need to do everything for yourself because that is what will positively reflect on you, making you more desirable.
Your ex would keep a complete tab on your whereabouts, especially if you were in a serious relationship. Even if your ex had initiated the breakup, it is difficult to come out of the feelings so quickly. So keep working on self-improvement, and your ex will start searching for ways to approach you.
5. Use Social Media to Spread Your Charm
Your ex is stalking you on social media, and if you know where to draw the line, how much and what to post, then social media is a great weapon that can be used to your benefit to get your ex talking to you first.
Keep it subdued and post pictures of those parts of your life that you particularly want your ex to see. It will just make it worth chasing you.
You are working on getting fitter. Your social media post will broadcast that well to your ex. You are going on outings and vacations, and these deserve a mention on your Instagram and Facebook page.
In a nutshell, you are neither lonely nor depressed because our ex dumped you. Rather you have discovered yourself in the process and are happier than you were earlier. You portray yourself as forward-moving and poised, and anyone would fall for such a person, so why not your ex?
This creates a new sense of attraction and respect. You are not one who throws tantrums and shows frustration which is a common reaction to any breakup. Your ex now does not resent you but is appealed towards you. And you are compelling your ex to break all barriers and call you up.
We are using the social media tool to make your ex feel jealous. However, this tip could, at times push your ex away. You thus do not want to go overboard with it.
Jealousy works, but you need to tread it with caution. So whether you are dating someone new or posting new social status pictures, you want to be careful to be subtle. Overdoing it will fake happiness and will clearly show that you are desperate and trying hard. The crux is to be genuinely happy in what you do. Trust me it’s only then that things will follow your plan.
6. And Then Your Ex Talks to You
Your ex finally talks to you. Voila! But the test is still on. You do not want to show yourself as a winner or someone who is head over heels in love and is desperate to get back together. How you tackle the last part is equally important to decide the path ahead.
Stay subtle and do not show your ex that they are a priority. The conversation should be short, generic, and polite. You do not want to go bragging about yourself. Be a little curious to know what is going on in your ex’s life (you want to show that you were not stalking your ex) and if your ex asks to meet personally, then that should be answered with a composed YES.
Tell your ex to know that you are busy but will get back with a date and time for the meetup. Don’t jump in to drop a message right after the call. Give it a day or two and then propose a time.
Go out as friends and take care not to crib about the breakup. You may want to bring up some happy moments spent together but nothing that makes you look like your original self again. Your ex sees you as a genuinely transformed individual. Give it a little more time, and your ex will ask you out!
Conclusion
Breakups happen, and they happen for various reasons. Your partner may have broken up with you when you were least expecting it.
Regardless of how it ended, the breakup has pushed you into a state of depression where you feel completely devastated. Anxiety and mood swings are common, and it is fine to vent out these feelings.
Cry over the breakup, but there should be an ultimatum when you step out and start living for yourself. Give it time, but a breakup should not be seen as an end to your life.
You want to get back with your ex, and you want your ex to talk to you first. That is possible, but only if you are so compelling that your ex cannot resist talking to you anymore.
Work on yourself to let your ex realize what they are missing out on. Instead of pleading and begging, it is time to become positive from within. Create your own identity and reconnect with your true self.
Don’t show your neediness. This is the secret mantra to make yourself desirable to your ex.
Wait a bit, and we assure you that if the cause of the breakup was not something nasty, then your ex will definitely pick up the phone one day and dial your number and reach out to you to talk. And when that happens, you know that you have won the battle.
What you do from here is totally up to you. Maybe you have found such immense pleasure in this journey with yourself that you finally do not feel the need to get back with your ex. Or you may still be in love with your ex and want to start off fresh again with a completely changed persona. The choice is now all yours!
Hey there, Martha here, a full-time mom of two, currently trying to bring a small impact in everyone’s life whom I can reach through The Queen Momma. I usually write on topics related to parenting, pregnancy and motherhood. Having gone through a few rocky relationships myself, I consider myself somewhat of an “expert” on topics related to dating and relationships.
I formerly worked at Special Needs Network Inc and BrightStar Care of Beverly Hills as a head manager. I have a passion for assisting organizations and individuals in achieving their objectives and have had the opportunity to do so throughout my professional career. At present, writing for The Queen Momma is a great addition to my professional career.