Is your ex over you? Or are they just pretending to be over you but deep down want you back in their lives? It is a difficult question to decipher.
Breakups are devastating. But the guesswork of whether or not your ex is still interested could make you pull out your hair. We all resort to technology to get answers to our love-life problems. But the information out there is overwhelming, leaving you in a further state of despair.
Leave out the presumptions because we have psychologically analyzed the human mind and listed down a few signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
Table of Contents
Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You
1. Your Ex Still Talks to You.
Does your ex still talk to you and stay in contact with you? Then this is the first sign that they are pretending to be over you. They may be talking to you face to face, on the phone, texting, or even chatting on social media platforms. They may even be emailing you once in a while.
2. They Forcefully Proclaim that they are Over You
We have always studied that the opposite of love is hate. But it is actually indifference and not hate. If your ex wanted to break up completely, they would be indifferent not mentioning you in any of their conversations.
But your ex speaks about you everywhere they go. Constantly demeaning you and talking about you to show as if they are totally over the relationship works contradictorily.
If your ex is continuously talking about you, then this shows that they are not over you but are just pretending to be. Your ex wants to repeat this to calm their heart. Deep within, he/she is still is in love with you.
If your ex does not mention you at all, then you are off their life. But if they speak about you, they are not over you and are hopeful that you may get back together.
3. They Brag About Accomplishments and Self-improvement
Do you see your ex highlighting things that they know you would approve of? Do they show off their new sculpted body at the gym or the new yoga routine they are following?
If you are getting a vibe that your ex is putting in extra effort and ensuring that you get to know about their latest achievements, then they care about you. They want you to be proud of them and reconsider the decision of getting back together.
Think about this, do we show off to people we do not care about?
4. Your Couple’s Routine is Still Followed
You were habituated to each other, talking day and night over texts and calls. A breakup interrupts this routine and things go silent all of a sudden.
Now your ex hits a one-liner on a fine day “let us continue being friends, and then things start to move how it was before the breakup- minus the intimacy. Mentally and emotionally, you still do the same things even though you are not dating each other.
The mindset behind this is that your ex believes they can get someone better than you. Deep inside your ex doubts it and wants you to be there as a safe choice. They have broken up but still, wish to keep you as a backup which I believe is a cruel way to treat someone. However, it also shows that they are not over you completely, with a little feeling still in there.
5. Your Ex Sounds Elated when You Contact Them
Your ex did not reach out to you first. It was you who took the first step. And when you reached out, you could feel the happiness in the voice. The happy tone is an indication that your ex is just pretending to be over you.
Your number flashing on their screen may have grown their feelings for you. It means that your ex never got over you in the first place.
6. Your Ex is Stalking You on Social Media
Most of us have an active presence on social media. Which means you and your ex are there too. You notice that your ex has been stalking you since the breakup.
They could do it in two ways. They may be watching your posts and interacting with friends on your post. They may even have got friends to follow you if you blocked them on your social media site.
The setting on Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram pop up the name of those who watched your stories. So you know if your ex has been stalking you. It is a clear giveaway that your ex is not over you.
7. Your Ex Goes an Extra Mile to Help You
Is your ex going out of their way to do things for you? Maybe getting groceries for you, buying presents, or doing things that are least expected?
The main idea here is that your ex wants you to feel good about them. Your ex may not want you back immediately. But this thought of getting back together is in mind.
They are creating a pool of positive feelings through this gesture. When they feel that it has worked, they would ask you to get back again.
8. Your Ex is Being Overtly Friendly with Your Influencers
Everyone has influencers in life. They are people who you listen to and take valuable suggestions. You consider these people when making life’s vital decisions. It could be your family or close friends.
If these people tell you that your ex has lately been snooping around and asking about you, then this is a green signal. It shows that your ex is proud to reach out, but deep down still cares about you.
It shows his/her desperation through these indirect actions.
9. They Removed all Your Couple Pics, Except one
If your ex has not bothered to remove your pics from their social media site, they don’t care and are indifferent towards you. In short, they are over you.
However, if an ex takes time and deletes your pictures, they are still thinking about you and are angry over the breakup. It is the feeling of vengeance, anger, and sorrow that goes into this action.
Maybe they are keeping a single picture of yours as a memory which is clear that they are not over you completely.
10. Your Ex Touches You Informally
You are in a social gathering and find your ex there. And then your ex starts to laugh through the conversation and even casually tries to touch you. Pick this as a sign that they are still not over you.
Your ex is still comfortable around you and feels for you.
11. The Breakup Made them Emotional
Does your ex show extreme emotion about the breakup? It could be anger, love, or sadness. These strong emotions mean that they still love you.
Anger is a reaction to being hurt. It works to mask pain. If your ex did not have anything for you, they would have shown indifference. But anger shows that they are hiding how hard the breakup wounded them.
12. They Talk about the Breakup
Does your ex keep talking about the breakup? Do they bring up the breakup topic in situations when it does not fit? Then the separation is pinching a lot. They want to get back together. They are trying to sort things out and maybe at times, your ex may even joke about getting back together.
Your ex talking about the breakup continuously means that they have not got the closure yet. They may still see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is a day they think you both may end up being together again.
13. They Spy on You
The spy could be someone known mutually to both of you. If an acquaintance starts showing extra concern, it could be at your ex’s behest.
Your ex is a coward who cannot gather the courage to tell you that he/she misses you. So they sent a spy behind you. The spy keeps a tab on you and updates your ex continuously.
And there is not just one spy. There could be innumerable spies out there. Suddenly you have far-off acquaintances sending texts and trying to be friendly with you. You see all kinds of people like your ex’s colleague getting in touch with you. That is enough proof.
These are all spies and informants hired by your ex who are checking on you.
14. Mixed Signals are a Clear Sign Too
Your ex could be treating you well at times. Then suddenly their reaction changes and they get unfriendly and cold towards you. It shows conflicted feelings. The sign is what makes our heads toss.
If your ex is over you, then they should not bother about how they react to you. It is the tug of war which means they miss you.
Your ex wants to get back but has reminisced about the issues that plagued the relationship. Loss of trust and frequent fights makes your ex wonder. What if the relationship, if mended, will only lead to more pain?
When you ex things of the positive moments, he/she pretends to be warm. But as soon as they remember the negative triggers, they automatically get cold.
Hot or cold, your ex misses you. Else they may not give you any signal at all. If you wish to get back too, then do not react to the coldness. It will only aggravate the situation and make them feel negative towards you.
15. Your Ex did not Pick up their Stuff nor did they Allow You to Pick up Yours
You visited each other’s place when you were in a relationship. So naturally, you have some of your ex’s stuff. Likewise, your ex has some of your things at their place. After the breakup, your ex did not come over to pick up their things nor did they return your things.
It is a sign that they are not able to let you go. Your items link your presence in their life. They can’t afford to part with it.
He/she did not get things from your place too. It could be the last reason to bind both of you. They hope that their stuff would remind you of them.
16. Your Ex has Moved on – Surprisingly Quickly
It is a knee-jerk reaction, a scenario of your ex pretending to be over you. Immediate rebounds are impossible if you were in a serious relationship. If they have jumped into a relationship so soon, then this is a way for them to handle the breakup because it hurt them hard.
The decision to get into a relationship is less about their feelings but more about forcing themselves to stop thinking about you. It is a method of coping when one is not over their past relationship.
17. Your Ex Starts to Question You
Your ex does not have the right to question you about your personal life. But they still do so. Who were you with last night? May I check your phone? Have you moved on? These personal details should not be a matter of concern if your ex is over you. But they are not!
If your ex has no interest in you, they would not even be bothered about your life. On the contrary, if your ex is still interested in your life, then they are not over you but are pretending to be so.
Here you may find your ex particularly interested in knowing if you are dating someone. You have found a new person. Your ex is trying to be competitive, making comments on your choice. It is because they miss you. Curiosity is natural, but trying to portray an image of “I am better than your present choice” shows that they still love you.
18. Your Ex Steals Glances at You
Did you catch your ex looking at you at a party or a social event? Then this was not just in your head. Your ex is pretending to be fine with the breakup. Deep down they want to get back to you.
19. You Get Long Messages from Your ex
You are on formal talking terms with your ex. Your ex then sends you a long and winding message, something that they have written after a lot of thought and putting in a lot of emotion.
You are still in their mind. They are not over you yet. And if you are reading and re-reading the message, you too want to get back with your ex.
20. Your Ex Calls You Late at Night and Completely Drunk
Your ex is completely sloshed and calls you in the middle of the night. You are on the verge of blocking the number from your contact. But the call was a plead for another chance. It’s a clear sign of “I am not over you.”
So take a call whether you wish to reignite the spark back again? Because your ex is giving a clear signal that he/she is desperate to mend the broken relationship.
21. Your Ex’s Friends and Family Members Subtly Convince You to Get Back
Your ex is stuck on you. It is why their well-wishers want you to accept him/her back. Trust me. Your ex is continuously ranting about you to friends and family who are sick of it. They thus nudge you to start talking again.
Well, it is a sign because you know for sure now that your ex is pretending to be over you but constantly thinks of you.
The first person who moves on after a breakup is a winner. And it sucks if it is your ex who moved on before you. It is possible that your ex may be pretending to move on. While deep within, they still talk about you all the time.
The above are some clear indicative signs that point to just one fact- Your ex misses you and wants to mend the relationship.
Now it is up to you. Do you wish to get back and give your ex a second chance?
Hey there, Martha here, a full-time mom of two, currently trying to bring a small impact in everyone’s life whom I can reach through The Queen Momma. I usually write on topics related to parenting, pregnancy and motherhood. Having gone through a few rocky relationships myself, I consider myself somewhat of an “expert” on topics related to dating and relationships.
I formerly worked at Special Needs Network Inc and BrightStar Care of Beverly Hills as a head manager. I have a passion for assisting organizations and individuals in achieving their objectives and have had the opportunity to do so throughout my professional career. At present, writing for The Queen Momma is a great addition to my professional career.