Were you and your partner happy in your relationship, but then something happened, and now you have noticed that he is unhappy in the relationship?
So, things were great with your partner during the first five months of your romantic relationship. And then you brought up the idea of meeting his parents.
That is when you noticed his smile fade away from his face. His face became pale. You could feel that something was going on inside his mind and body.
With every passing day, it seems like he is creating distance between you and him.
Whenever you are trying to start a conversation, he avoids you saying he doesn’t have time. He is not picking up your phone calls or replying to your texts. When you ask him why he says he was busy at work.
You have started to realize that a huge gap has been created between you two.
You are sad because you two clicked so well, and you were happy together. The saddest thing is that you don’t know the exact reason and why your relationship is falling apart.
Nothing as such happened to break your bond. To you, it seems that your partner’s indifference is making it all happen.
Are you going through a similar situation and wondering what has gone wrong?
Honey, your partner is sabotaging the relationship – nothing else!
Bonus Read: How To Keep A Man Interested In You Forever
Table of Contents
How a Man Sabotages a Relationship – 10 Signs
Now that you know what the problem is, you may be wondering what the signs of a self-sabotaging relationship are or how a man or a woman sabotages a seemingly healthy relationship, right?
The following points in this post throw light on exactly that.
1. He Gets Paranoid to an Extreme Level
Does your partner suspect that you are cheating on him? Has he ever accused you of this?
Suppose your partner thinks that you are cheating on him and if he is constantly telling you that, then know that he is self-sabotaging your relationship. He doesn’t have any evidence against you that can prove his assumption, right?
You have tried many ways to convince him that you have not done anything like that. But still, he is convinced that there is someone else in your life.
Do you know why he is behaving like this?
He has his own insecurities, and that is what makes him think so. Well, we all have some point in our relationship when we may break down or get paranoid. But suppose your partner keeps on telling you that he wants to leave you because he thinks there is someone else in your life. In that case, the chances are that it is a projection of his own anxieties and fears about your relationship.
Bonus Read: 10 Questions to Ask Your Unfaithful Spouse
2. He Doesn’t Address His Negative Emotions
We all are human beings, and it is totally normal for us to have different feelings at different times. These emotions can be positive and negative. Just as it is normal to feel positive emotions, it is perfectly fine to feel negative emotions too.
Do you think that your partner feels negative emotions at times? Have you asked him about it, but he always chooses not to answer or completely ignores your questions?
Then consider this a red flag.
In a healthy relationship, if your partner is feeling frustrated, angry, unhappy, anxious, or doubtful, he will come to you and speak to you about it. So, naturally, he would want to solve whatever issue he has by talking to you.
But if your partner has negative emotions and is unwilling to talk to you, it means he doesn’t really want to solve the issue. Also, it could mean that he has lost interest in the relationship. This is one of the ways a man sabotages a relationship.
3. He Holds Grudges Against You
No relationship is perfect. Accept it.
Yes, we do see some perfect relationships in movies, but those are movies for a reason! In real life, every relationship goes through ups and downs. We love our partners; we fight with them, we have different opinions on certain things, and yet, sometimes, we do hold grudges for a while.
Consider it a red flag if you see that your partner always gets angry at whatever you do.
He never agrees when you tell him to sort things out by talking it out. Instead, he doesn’t let his anger go. This is one sign that he is self-sabotaging your relationship.
Do you know that if this continues to happen, it can lead to delayed fighting and poor communication?
This will affect your relationship in a negative way. After all, how can your partner be happy if he is still mad at you for some reason, right?
It can also mean that your partner is holding a grudge against you subconsciously just because he doesn’t want to talk to you about the problems in your relationship.
4. He Has Unrealistic Expectations
Romantic relationships are, no doubt, difficult. There will be days when you are so happy that you feel like you are the happiest person in this whole wide world, and then there will be days when you feel like you are the saddest person on this planet.
There will be days when you will feel that you are extremely fortunate in love as you have got the best partner in the world, and then there will be days when you feel like you are the most unfortunate one as your partner is the worst!
Finding a balance between these extreme emotions, making some compromises, and being there for each other in good and bad times is what love is all about.
But is your partner expecting a lot from you and this relationship? Are his expectations unrealistic?
While having some expectations are meant to be there in any relationship, know that your partner sabotages your relationship when his expectations are unrealistic.
It can happen that you and your partner are having some kind of issue every day, and you are upset with each other. But instead of talking to you, telling you what exactly your partner wants from you and this relationship, he is not communicating at all.
Maybe he is doing this because he is disappointed in this relationship. And he is not trying to talk it out with you because, in his mind, he has already deemed that you are not a good fit for him, and he doesn’t think that giving any effort to save this relationship is worth his time.
5. He Focuses Only on the Imperfections
Nobody is perfect. We all have at least some kind of flaws. But as the famous Greek philosopher, Plato said, “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder” it all depends on how we see things.
Something that is beautiful to someone can be ugly to some other person. But when you are in love, you tend to overlook your partner’s ugliness or flaws. And they seem to be the most beautiful person to you – no matter their imperfections.
But when there is trouble in your relationship, the opposite happens.
Does your partner always talk about how imperfect or flawed you are? Does he keep on telling you that there are so many problems in your relationship? Do you have arguments over even the smallest of issues?
Then it’s a signal that your partner is sabotaging the relationship. He is trying to create a distance between you and him.
6. He Has an Unhealthy Lifestyle
Does your partner have a poor eating habit? Does he drink or smoke a lot?
Does he not go for the basic grooming?
Well, all these can be a sign of self-sabotaging a relationship.
Maybe your partner is engaged in an unhealthy lifestyle because he is not happy. Maybe he is so not into you that he has stopped caring for himself or grooming himself. Also, this shows that he doesn’t know how to deal with the situation. That is why he has become so indifferent toward his life and your relationship.
What does he do when you ask him to take care of himself or limit smoking and drinking? Does he always say that the issues in the relationship are making him do this?
If your answer is “yes,” then know that he is using your relationship to justify his unhealthy habits and lifestyle. Also, it suggests that he is not really eager to find solutions to the actual problems. And this, my dear, is how a man sabotages a relationship.
7. He Criticizes You
In a healthy relationship, you and your partner are each other’s biggest support system. And you get each other’s back – no matter how difficult the situation is.
You cheer for each other, and when you need to, you criticize each other too – but, of course, healthily.
In a healthy relationship, what happens is that your partner will tell you that something is missing in the taste of the food, but at the same time, he will also tell you how you can improve your cooking skills and make it better. For example, suppose your partner cooked for you, but the taste is not that good. This is a healthy criticism.
But in a self-sabotaging relationship, your partner will only criticize you for your lack of cooking skills. But he will not encourage you to do it better next time.
Also, he will never leave a single opportunity to crush your confidence.
8. He Doesn’t Put His Energy into Your Relationship
Has your partner become really busy lately? Does he not have time to sit and talk to you about the issues you are facing in your relationship?
But have you noticed that he is making time for every other important and unimportant thing? Is it just your relationship that he doesn’t have time for?
Then consider this a red flag. This guy is sabotaging your relationship.
All kinds of relationships need care and nurturing – be it a romantic relationship or a friendship. It dies if you don’t give time, take care and nurture the relationship. Of course, this applies to your relationship too.
If your guy is not eager to sit, talk and solve an issue that you are having in your relationship, if he is not there when you need him, if he doesn’t want to spend time with you, it all means that he is no longer interested in the relationship. He doesn’t want to give time to the relationship because he thinks you are not a good match.
9. He is Not Interested in Having Sex with You Anymore
When you love someone with all your whole heart, you want to get intimate with him too, isn’t it?
You want to be one with the love of your life. You crave each other.
You become restless to be with your partner and spend time with them. This is what happens in a healthy relationship.
But things are different when you have issues in the relationship.
Does your partner show no interest in being intimate with you? Does he not like to spend time with you? Has it happened multiple times that you tried to initiate sex, but your partner said that he was not in the mood or sleepy or not to engage in the act?
This suggests that he is sabotaging the relationship. Maybe he has lost interest in you. Maybe he is not satisfied with his sex life.
Maybe he wants things differently. Maybe he is so unhappy in the relationship that he can’t think about sex. It can be anything.
Whatever the reason is, this is a red flag.
10. He Never Keeps His Promises
Promises are meant to be kept – no matter how small they are.
In a relationship, there may be certain times when your partner promises something to you.
Maybe he said that he would quit smoking. Maybe he said that he would go on a dinner date with you on the weekend. Maybe he said he would plan a holiday with you the next month. It can be anything.
Now, after he promises, you become happy and begin to expect things from your partner.
For example, if he says he will take you on a dinner date after work, you wait for the entire day expecting you to go out in the evening. And then, when your partner comes home and tells you that he will not be able to take you out as he is feeling exhausted after work, you become sad. All your excitement goes away in seconds. You feel like a fool for being happy the whole day.
Yes, your partner can be busy, or there may be other reasons that he cannot take you out. But, honey, a promise is a promise. Also, you can let it slide if it happens one time.
But, if he keeps making and breaking promises, then know that he is sabotaging the relationship. In a way, he is pushing you away from him.
Are the signs of how a man sabotages a relationship similar to the signs that you can see in your partner?
Then it would be good if you could talk to your partner. And if that doesn’t work, it would be a good decision to come out of this relationship.
Let me know what happens.
Hey there, Martha here, a full-time mom of two, currently trying to bring a small impact in everyone’s life whom I can reach through The Queen Momma. I usually write on topics related to parenting, pregnancy and motherhood. Having gone through a few rocky relationships myself, I consider myself somewhat of an “expert” on topics related to dating and relationships.
I formerly worked at Special Needs Network Inc and BrightStar Care of Beverly Hills as a head manager. I have a passion for assisting organizations and individuals in achieving their objectives and have had the opportunity to do so throughout my professional career. At present, writing for The Queen Momma is a great addition to my professional career.