Are you in a relationship? Do you always try to control what your partner does and how he does it?
Do you get angry or hyper instantly if they don’t do things the way you wanted them to be done? Or, do you behave rudely if they express a different point of view on something?
If your answer to all these questions is a big “yes,” then honey, you are too controlling in your relationship. Now, do you know that your behavior can ruin your loving relationship with your partner?
And not only in romantic relationships, but your controlling nature can also affect your relationship with your friends and family too. Because no one likes to be micromanaged, it feels oppressive and stressful, and sometimes, it can even make people leave feeling hurt.
This leads to the question, how to stop being controlling in a relationship?
In this post, I have shared all the ways you can try to stop being controlling.
Table of Contents
Are You Actually a Controlling Person?
Before you know how to stop being controlling, you need to know the signs that suggest you really are controlling. Look out for the following red flags:
- You think that you are always right and so, most of the time, you don’t bother listening to the person in front of you.
- You want to do everything your way. Always!
- You try to micromanage others.
- You are not fond of surprises.
- You always want to do things yourself, as you cannot trust others with important things.
- You tend to criticize others in every way possible.
- You think you are superior with high values and others have low standards.
- You feel angry when someone does things their way and does not listen to you, or things don’t go the way you wanted them to be.
11 Ways to Stop Being Controlling in a Relationship
Do the signs of a controlling person match your characteristics? If so, then know that you definitely are controlling.
So, how to stop being controlling in a relationship? What are the changes that you need to make in your behavior?
Come, let’s find out the answer!
1. You Don’t Have to be a Perfectionist
Do you know why you are so controlling?
Well, one reason is that you want everything to be perfect. For example, you may plan something and then work on it until you think everything is going according to the way you planned it. If you are at your work and need to review some document, you do it repeatedly just to satisfy that there are no errors.
You need to change this habit, honey.
Make yourself understand that you don’t always have to be perfect. You know, there is an imperfection in perfection itself. It can seem like a burden over time when you carry the extra pressure of making everything perfect.
It is good when you are thorough. When you read a document for errors thoroughly, it is great. But when you go over it three-four times just to satisfy your judgy mind, it becomes a waste of time.
So just live your life, enjoy your moments without trying to make them perfect, and overanalyze things.
2. You Need to Increase Your Self-Esteem
Has anyone told you that your self-esteem needs to be brushed up a little bit?
Yes, you need that, dear.
You know, sometimes, you become controlling in your friendship or romantic relationship because you start thinking that they may not like you if you don’t tell them what to do. You want to be worthy to them somehow and end up being controlling. So you start telling them what they should do and how.
Do you know that all these thoughts can result from low self-esteem?
So, girl, work on your self-esteem. You need to believe that your close ones love you for the person you are, and they DON’T always want you to tell them what and how they should do something. In fact, if you continue being too controlling, it can even affect your relationship with them.
If you are finding it hard to do yourself, or if you need to talk to someone about your self-esteem issues, the best thing you can do is talk to a therapist. Doing so will certainly help you cope with your issue.
3. You Don’t Have to be Right All The Time
Because of your controlling nature, almost all the time, you are obsessed with the thought that you are always right. You think you have the best idea about anything and everything. You think that it is only you who is the best in everything.
But you are trying to be less controlling here, right honey?
So, in order to do that, try to leave things to others.
You don’t always have to give your opinion on everything. You don’t always have to take the responsibility of doing something perfectly.
Give a chance to others too. And you never know, they may surprise you. They may have more insight into something, or they may have more experience than you. Right?
Know that you are not going to lose anything if you don’t answer something because you don’t have any idea about it.
And yes, you can be wrong sometimes too. We all can be. And that is completely natural.
We all are flawed. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you will be able to come out of your controlling nature.
Remember, you are a human being. And human beings make mistakes.
There is nothing unnatural in it. And we learn from our mistakes. Don’t we?
4. You Need to Stop Being So Anxious
Do you always think of the worst scenario if you face some unfavorable situation? For example, do you think the world will turn upside down if you don’t find a solution to it right now?
Then it means you are suffering from anxiety. And this can be another reason you are controlling in a relationship.
Tell yourself that you cannot always face favorable situations that will work out according to your plan. Things can turn out to be different too.
And when that happens, don’t be super anxious and fearful. Know that when you are in a new situation, things can be good too. So, don’t always imagine the worst scenario.
Relax and give yourself some time. Sometimes it is better if you let go.
To manage your anxiety, what you can do is meditate, yoga, and you need to cut back on the caffeine too. Also, whenever you feel that you are being anxious, try to think about what is making you feel so and work on it. This will make you feel better.
5. You Have to Understand That It is Okay to Give up Control at Times
How do you feel when you plan an entire project at work or plan every single detail of a holiday with your partner – all by yourself?
Well, yes, you do feel all powerful and sometimes even invincible when you do all the hard work without taking any help from others. It feels really great when you take full control of a situation.
BUT apart from this feeling of strength, you felt stressed out and exhausted too. Don’t you agree?
Honey, you need to let others or your partner help you a bit. You don’t have to do all the work by yourself. Is that very difficult for you?
Then start with baby steps. I am not telling you to just sit back and relax while your co-workers are planning a project or your partner is doing all the planning for your next date or your holiday together.
But you can at least ask your partner to do some portion of the entire planning. What say?
6. You Have to Learn to Accept
You want to know how to stop being controlling in a relationship, right?
One way of achieving it is to accept things as they are. Yes, I understand. It feels great when you improve something and make it better. But know that not always everything needs your opinion or attention.
You don’t have to go and change it if you don’t like something. Things can be beautiful in a different way too. They don’t need you to micromanage everything and make it the way you want it to be. In fact, it can be really annoying for your partner at times.
So, you need to accept things the way they are. This applies to not only your relationships but also your work and family.
You need to be at peace – body and mind. You have to stop yourself from seeing flaws and fixing them that are not even there.
7. You Need to Know When to Delegate Work
Yes, honey, it is time that you stop taking all the burden on your little shoulders and give them some relief!
I know, as you have a controlling nature, you feel great doing everything on your own and taking every responsibility on your shoulders.
But, do you know that your nature can make your partner see you as someone with a bossy attitude and a stressed-out person?
Yes. And this is the time that you change people’s perception of you. Learn to delegate work.
For example, delegate some of the work to your team members if you are at work and need to complete a project. Or, if you are at your home and throwing a party, ask some of your friends to pick up the drinks from the store while coming to your house.
Once you start doing this, you will feel relaxed. Now, don’t hesitate to ask for help. It is natural and something we all do at some time or the other.
8. You Have to Learn to Put Your Trust in Your Partner
I know you are a hard-working, intelligent, and competent person. But you know, you have to understand that there are other people like you too. But, of course, not all of them.
Now, you cannot rely on your little brother to assist you in cleaning the kitchen. Or, you cannot assign the most irresponsible person in your office with your project work.
But there are other people who are worthy of your trust, including your partner.
And if you want to lead a life that is free from stress and anxiety, you have to rely on them on certain occasions for certain work. So you have to put your trust in them. You have to believe that your partner can do certain work successfully and you don’t need to make the decisions for them, as they are capable of it.
Suppose you always tell your friends and boyfriend what and how to do things. What will they think?
Would they not think they are incompetent, unsmart, or unintelligent like you? So they will feel that you don’t believe in them. And you don’t want your loved ones to feel that way, right?
9. You Have to Let Your Partner Be How They Are
We are human beings, and we all have flaws. The sooner you accept this, the better.
I know you think that you are the best at everything you do, and I believe that you really are. But that does not mean you will change others and make them a copy of yourself, right?
Let the people around you live their life the way they want. You don’t always have to tell them what they should do and how they should do it.
Let them figure out things themselves. Let them do things according to the way they want and not you.
Now, if your partner keeps the wet towel on the bed and that makes you crazy, you can always ask him to keep it in the right place and change this habit. This is completely normal.
But if he eats, sleeps, and does things in a certain way and you want him to change, that is surely NOT normal.
You cannot try to make him a copy of yourself. After all, you fell in love with him for the person he is, right?
And how would you feel if your boyfriend asked you to change all your habits and be like him? Bad, right?
So, think about it and love him for who he really is.
10. You Have to Listen to Your Partner and Learn From Them
Do you think that you are the only person with intelligence and smartness?
Well, honey, you are wrong. Your partner may be someone who has more intelligence than you. He may be listening to you all these times because he does not want to hurt you or make you feel bad.
So, how about listening to him once?
Let him in and hear him out. I am sure you will be blown away by his knowledge on some topics. After all, you will always find someone more experienced and knowledgeable than you in certain matters.
In fact, once you listen to your partner, you may feel like there is so much that you need to learn from this man.
So, the next time he says something, don’t interrupt him. Instead, let him say what he wants to say. And once he finishes, take your time to tell him about your ideas on the same.
This will make your relationship stronger.
11. You Have to Work on Your Jealousy Issues
You are looking for ways how to stop being controlling in a relationship, right?
Well, girl, it’s time you work on your jealousy issues!
Maybe you are telling your boyfriend where to eat dinner because you feel he will listen to his friends and value their choices, not yours. Maybe you are telling him to come home early because you think he will spend more time with his colleagues. Maybe you ask him to call every hour because you think he is spending time with another girl.
But, dear, that doesn’t always have to be the case.
You need to learn to value yourself. Know that your boyfriend can act jealous too if you are being jealous. And if that happens, you will not feel good. Because it doesn’t feel good when you know that your partner doubts you, right?
Of course, I will not blame you if you see that there are real reasons to doubt your partner. But if it is all in your head, I suggest you give your mind some rest and see how beautiful your relationship becomes.
These are some ways how to stop being controlling in a relationship. Stop correcting your partner, stop giving him advice and stop planning each and every second, and see how you are halfway there to your goal.
Once you try these methods, don’t forget to tell me how they worked for you!
Hey there, Martha here, a full-time mom of two, currently trying to bring a small impact in everyone’s life whom I can reach through The Queen Momma. I usually write on topics related to parenting, pregnancy and motherhood. Having gone through a few rocky relationships myself, I consider myself somewhat of an “expert” on topics related to dating and relationships.
I formerly worked at Special Needs Network Inc and BrightStar Care of Beverly Hills as a head manager. I have a passion for assisting organizations and individuals in achieving their objectives and have had the opportunity to do so throughout my professional career. At present, writing for The Queen Momma is a great addition to my professional career.