“My girlfriend cheated on me.”
This is something that I wish no one would ever have to say. It is one of the most shattering incidents in someone’s life.
Has your girlfriend cheated on you too?
I feel you, buddy. I can understand how much pain you are going through at this time. The person you have loved the most, trusted with all your heart, has cheated on you with someone else, breaking all your trust.
When I was in college, my best friend got cheated on. She used to cry for hours, and at one time, she even became suicidal, because of which she had to talk to a therapist. I was so worried for her. So I can say how you are feeling right now, dear.
There may be so many questions haunting you.
I know you are in a mess right now. You may be overwhelmed with so many different emotions. But the biggest question that you have in mind is: “what should I do now?“
So, what exactly should you do now?
My Girlfriend Cheated on Me – What Should I Do?
Well, I assume there can be any one of these three scenarios in which you are in:
- My girlfriend cheated on me, but I’m still in love with her.
- I got cheated. What should I do now?
- I caught my girlfriend cheating, but she wants to come back to be. Should I be with her again?
To answer all the questions, you are currently having; I have come up with a guide. Read on.
Bonus Read: How To Forgive Someone & Fix A Relationship After Cheating
1. You Can Ask for Advice, But the Final Decision is Yours
Is there someone in your friends or family who has gone through the same situation? Did their girlfriend cheat on them too?
Then, honey, it would be good if you went and asked them for advice.
What did they do to their cheating girlfriend? Did they kick their butt out, or did they patch up with them?
Ask your male friend how he got out of his messy situation. This will give you an insight into how things work. You know, when you have someone to talk to, it can be of great help.
And if that someone has gone through the same heartbreaking experience, it can give you some hope too. You get at least some amount of confidence that if he could, you can get out of this mess too.
Don’t worry if he is not someone who can give you some first-hand advice. When you are going through a rough phase in life, a little sympathy can go a long way, isn’t it?
Honey, there is one thing that I want to tell you.
No matter how experienced your family or friends are, don’t let them decide for you. It’s your life. So, the choices should be yours too.
There is a high chance that your family and friends have some extreme thoughts about your girlfriend. For example, some may say that she is a sweet girl and looks innocent, while others may think that she was never good for you.
Their thoughts may affect you, and you may think in their way. So, I advise you to listen to what they have to say about your situation and what you should do but always listen to YOUR thoughts.
After all, you don’t want to regret listening to someone else and then making one of the most important decisions of your life wrong, right?
2. Pay Attention to Your Present
Yes, you have been through a lot. The person whom you trusted with all your heart has broken your trust. Your life has shattered. And now, the only emotion that you are feeling is deep pain.
I understand, buddy.
But that doesn’t mean that you will spend the rest of your life mourning, thinking about what has happened and why that has happened.
Yes, you do need some time to mourn and be alone. But that is only for SOME time.
I don’t want you to go through some psychological distortion when I know that you have no fault in this. I want you to make decisions that are based on facts and not on your emotional condition.
So, I want you to stay focused on the present. Because I know there is a high chance that your mind will replay all those unwanted events, activities, and images again and again.
This can happen not only on the conscious but also subconscious level. And when that happens, it will be difficult for you to concentrate on your present.
This is why I am asking you to put all your mind into the present – as much as you can.
Remember, you will be able to make informed, smart decisions when needed, only if you are focused on your present and your minds are not clouded by your thoughts.
3. You Don’t Have to Hurry to Make a Decision
Now that your girlfriend has cheated on you, the biggest decision that you have to make is whether you want her back in your life or you want to kick her ass out of your life. Isn’t it?
All I want to say here is, take your time.
Yes, I know, this is a huge decision that you have to make. So, don’t rush. After all, you don’t want to make a decision only to regret it later, right?
While some men who got cheated on by their girlfriends want to cling to the broken relationship, others want to get out of their relationship that has no value to their girlfriends and never see their face again.
Both the choices are justified, but I would say don’t be too hasty to make your decision. Your heart just got broken, and you are not in the state to think straight.
So, if you want to decide what’s best for you, tell your girlfriend you want some time and space. You need to calm your mind first. Don’t let her cloud your decision-making process. Once your mind is calm, relax and then think.
Now the question is, what can you do to relax and get away from the situation so you can clear your head?
Well, you can spend time with your family and friends, see some comedy movies, join the gym, go hiking and fishing and just sit alone in the lap of nature and admire its beauty.
If you choose to spend time with your family and friends, tell them not to talk about your personal situation, as you want to forget it for the time being.
And when you do this, make sure not to get in touch with your cheater girlfriend. No matter how much time you need to think straight – a week, a month, or more – don’t contact them.
You can add their number to your blocklist if you need to. Know that the most important thing you need at the moment is time – so that you can make the right decision for the future of your relationship.
Bonus Read: 11 Ways To Stop Being Controlling in a Relationship
4. Don’t Play the Blame Game
Did I tell you that there are many men who play the dangerous blame game after being cheated on by their partners?
Yes, I’m talking about that painful self-talk where you ask yourself some nasty questions that are enough to crash your self-esteem along with your confidence as a man.
Don’t ask yourself questions such as “Am I so ugly that she had to cheat on me?”, “what is there in me that is so bad that she had to cheat on me?”, “was I not able to satisfy her in bed?” and “was I not there by her whenever she needed me?”
These questions are like a plague. If you ask these to yourself, it will lead you to have a powerful emotional breakdown – so deep that you may have a hard time recovering from that. And did I tell you that this could lead you to have depression?
So, don’t blame yourself for all that has happened. Whenever you have negative thoughts, or you start blaming yourself, tell yourself that “it is not my fault that has led her to cheat on me. She cheated on me because she wanted to cheat on me“.
Yes, this is the truth. Was your girlfriend not happy with you? Were you not good in bed? Were you not available to her emotionally? Was there something in you that she despised?
Then all she needed was to come to you and talk to you about the issues in your relationship. That way, you could have sorted things out.
But your girlfriend didn’t do that. She didn’t talk to you about the problems. Instead, she slept with someone else while still being in a relationship with you. And that is not something you can easily forget. She has made your heart bleed.
But, yes, it is also true that there are many examples of relationships that have survived despite one partner cheating on the other. But, of course, that needs both partners to be eager to grow and improve. And that leads to more thoughtfulness, communication, and effort to make the relationship work.
If you decide to move on in the end, take the positives from your heartbreaking situation. This will help you have a stronger relationship in the future.
5. Be Honest to Your Partner and Demand the Same from Her
Once you have been cheated on, there are so many questions that you want to ask your girlfriend, aren’t it?
Of course, I’m talking about the time when you are a little healed from heartbreak – when you think that you can think straight.
Now, before I move on to the questions, let me ask you something. Are you still confused about whether you should call her your girlfriend or your ex?
Well, this is something that many men ask themselves. But honey, she is still your girlfriend because you still haven’t broken up, right?
So, whatever you label her, there may come a time when you will be ready to talk to her about what she did to you, and all that has happened.
The first question that you may want to ask is, “why did you cheat on me?” or “why did you do this to our relationship?”
But, if you ask me, I would say that you avoid these questions in the first place. Why? Because that will be like going round and round around a mountain!
In most cases, where one partner cheats on the other, it is because of their sexual desires. So, focus on questions that are next on your list. And before you start, tell your partner to be honest with at least the answers. Why? Because this is something that you deserve after being cheated on by your partner.
Are you not really sure about what to ask?
I can help. You can start with the following questions:
- What made you do this?
- Is there something wrong in our relationship?
- What were you thinking when you did this? Were you not thinking of the consequences?
- Do you really not care about me?
- Was there no trust in our relationship? If there was, does it still exist?
Once you get answers to these questions, you can move on with the following set:
- Why on earth did you choose this person to sleep with?
- How many times have you done it? Or was it one time?
- Is it only this person, or are there others with whom you have cheated on me?
- Was it just your carnal desires, or do you have serious feelings for this guy?
- Is the whole thing with this guy over? Can you guarantee that you will not do this again ever?
Observe your girlfriend deeply to understand if she is telling the truth or not.
6. Spend Some Time on Self-Improvement
Okay, so I am not asking you to sit in the corner of your room all alone and think about what you lack or what flaws you have and then work on that. But, no, I don’t want you to feel bad about yourself – your appearance, your flaws.
What I’m saying is that do some activities that can make you feel better in the long term.
Go to the gym and develop those six-pack abs you always wanted.
Go to your dream holiday destination, meet new people, learn about their cultures, do new activities and come back with some new knowledge about life.
Go out with your friends, party all night, and enjoy yourself to the fullest.
If you have any hobbies such as playing guitar or swimming, spend more time doing that. Is there something that you wanted to learn but couldn’t do as you were too busy with life? Then enroll yourself in that class and become enriched.
Is there any clothing or accessories that you wanted to buy but couldn’t as your girlfriend said that it wouldn’t suit you? Then, it’s time to buy that for yourself.
Shave your beard if you have a beard or grow a beard if you don’t have one. Try a new haircut and give yourself a completely new look so that you can admire yourself whenever you look in the mirror.
The intention here is to pay complete focus on yourself and your well-being. You have been through a traumatic event. So spoiling yourself a little bit won’t do any harm.
And did I tell you that improving yourself will give you that most-needed boost to your self-confidence and self-esteem?
7. Look at The Options You Have With Your Girlfriend
Now that you have taken the previously mentioned steps and healed a bit, it’s time that you look at the options you have with your cheater girlfriend.
I have discussed the options you have at hand below.
• Stick Together
If you ask me, I can say without any doubt that this is the hardest of them all.
You got cheated on by your girlfriend, and that puts a scar on your relationship. Sticking together means you will see her every day, and you will get reminded of what she did to you. You will have a hard time trusting her again, loving her the way you used to love her again, and of course, being intimate with her again.
So, in a way, you have to deal with your wounds afresh every single day.
Now, if you want to heal your wounds well, the best thing you can do is take help from a professional. You may not want to disclose all your personal details to someone from your family or friends. Going for a couple’s counseling from a professional can be your savior.
They are trained, counsel hundreds of couples regularly, and can make you see things from a third-person point of view. Also, they can guide you well so that you can come out of this tricky phase of your relationship by being honest with each other.
And did I tell you that you need to take things slow when it comes to intimacy?
If you try to reignite your passion by sleeping together again, it can lead to some negative feelings you don’t want to feel anymore.
You may get jealous. You may feel that your manhood is not enough, and you may remember again that your girlfriend has slept with someone else. As a result, you may start hating her again or start feeling that you are flawed.
So, if you don’t want these to happen, take your time and don’t just jump into bed.
Remember, if you want to stick to your girlfriend, you have to work hard to keep your negative emotions away. Otherwise, they can take over your remaining trust in the relationship.
Give each other space. This is going to be a long and difficult journey as you have decided to stay with your girlfriend.
Breaking up with your girlfriend is the easiest and the most obvious choice after getting cheated on. You don’t have the same trust between you two anymore, and you don’t see her the way you used to. So, repairing this damage would be a lot of work that many men don’t want to do.
And why will they? After all, it is their girlfriend who has gone all the way to break the trust and sleep with someone else. Right?
The pain of getting betrayed by your girlfriend may be something you can never overcome in your entire life. So, why stay with that person who did this to you?
But, dear, know that breaking up comes with its own set of struggles.
Yes, you broke up, but the negative emotions that you experienced and the trauma that you went through are not leaving you any sooner. They may stand as obstacles when you try to get into a relationship with some other girl.
So, don’t rush into a new relationship.
Take things slowly, spend time with yourself, and spend time with your family and friends. This will give you the mental peace you are craving now. And do enjoy your single life – at least for a while – until you are not completely healed.
•Take a Break
Honey, you need to breathe!
Yes, you have been through a lot. And now, all you need is some time for yourself – so that you can think and then decide what you want to do with this relationship with your cheater girlfriend.
You need to see the world without her. So go out, chill with your friends, meet new people, make new friends and do what your heart desires. This will give you an insight into your own thoughts.
But remember, don’t use this opportunity to hurt your girlfriend. Yes, she has done something that has put your world upside down. But that doesn’t mean that you will do the same to her. Because if you do, there will be no difference between you and her.
If you do something to take revenge on her, you will regret it for the rest of your life. And not to mention that it will cloud the already bad situation. So you don’t want that, right?
8. Make Your Decision
So, you have made a choice, right? Great. Now stick to it.
If you have decided to stay with your partner, keep all your ego and negative emotions aside and accept her wholeheartedly.
If you have decided to break up with her, leave her and live your own life. Don’t look back. Focus on your present, your well-being, and your emotions.
Don’t break up with her one day and then patch up the other day – and then continue this circle over and over again. Because, honey, you will be left with nothing but pain if you do this. And you will not be able to lead a normal life with a happy relationship.
There is nothing that can make the pain you endured and the humiliation you faced go away. But my advice to your question, “my girlfriend cheated on me – what should I do?” can make the process of healing and making a decision a little bit easier.
Don’t you agree?
Just be yourself, and happiness will come your way. All the best, dear!
And don’t forget to share your experience after following my advice with me!
Hey there, Martha here, a full-time mom of two, currently trying to bring a small impact in everyone’s life whom I can reach through The Queen Momma. I usually write on topics related to parenting, pregnancy and motherhood. Having gone through a few rocky relationships myself, I consider myself somewhat of an “expert” on topics related to dating and relationships.
I formerly worked at Special Needs Network Inc and BrightStar Care of Beverly Hills as a head manager. I have a passion for assisting organizations and individuals in achieving their objectives and have had the opportunity to do so throughout my professional career. At present, writing for The Queen Momma is a great addition to my professional career.