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85+ Best New Year Jokes to Laugh Out Loud

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Are you ready to say goodbye to 2022 and welcome 2023?

Yes, it’s time to bid farewell to 2022 and welcome a brand new year, 2023!

This year was eventful for me.

I took my first flight after covid hit. It was my kiddo’s first-ever flight too. I got to travel to some amazing places that were on my bucket list.

I took the plunge and started a new business that I always have had a love for. And I made tons of amazing memories with my husband and my daughter. Now, that sums up to be a wonderful year for me.

What are your plans for the day with the new year knocking on the door? How are you going to welcome the new year?

You can have a new year’s bash with your favorite people, binge-watch your favorite new year’s movies with your partner or have a big fat dinner with your friends and family.

No matter what your plan is, a little bit of humor can do no harm, right? In fact, humor can make the ambiance all the more fun and full of laughter.

And that is why I am here. I have come up with some of the best new year’s jokes that you can share with your loved ones and make the best of your first night of the new year.

So, are you ready to make your favorite people laugh? I have made a few sections so that you can scroll right what you are looking for!

Carry on reading!

New Year Dad Jokes

New Year Dad Jokes

You can never come across a list of jokes that don’t include dad jokes! Yes, dad jokes are that popular.

And you can get so many of them when it is about the new year.

Most dad jokes seem unfunny when you first read them. But once you get it, it can seriously crack you, and you can burst into laughter.

These kinds of jokes are especially for the dads out there, as the name suggests. Because these jokes are shared mostly by dads, they try to make you or your kids laugh by saying something they think will get you.

But that is not always the case. And you may end up rolling your eyes at the dad of your kids!

Do you know why did the man sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year’s Eve?

Well, he wanted to start the year with sweet dreams.

Did you get the joke here?

If so, then I am sure the following dad jokes about the new year will get make you laugh too!

  • A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
  • My resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my TV.
  • I remember last year like it was yesterday.
  • What is corn’s favorite holiday? New Ear’s Day!
  • This New Year’s, I resolve to be less awesome since that is the only thing I do in excess.
  • What did Steven like to be called on New Year’s Day? New Year’s Steve.
  • My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are.
  • New Year? I just got used to this last one!
  • What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
    The ice falls out of your drinks.
  • What kind of toilets do French people use on January 1st? New Year’s Bidet.
  • My New Year’s resolution is 1080p.
  • What do you tell someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve?
    I haven’t seen you for a year!
  • My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
  • Every year on New Year’s Eve, when everyone’s counting down the final 10 seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes so that I always start the new year off on the right foot.
  • What was said between the two calendars?
    I have a date for tonight.
  • The tomato turned red, but why?
    Because it noticed the salad dressing.

New Year Jokes for Kids

New Year Jokes for Kids

Kids are truly the blessings of God, and I can vouch for that. And the sound of their laughter is something that can heal your pain. I am saying this because that is what I am experiencing right now.

My husband and I used to have a very structured life. By that, I mean we used to go to work, come back home, eat, sleep and then go to work again the next day.

Yes, we had a lot of excitement in our lives, but that is nothing compared to what we have now, being parents to a toddler. Our daughter does such things that sometimes, I forget how to react – laugh or cry?

If you are parents to a prince or an angel too, how about spending the first night of the new year making them laugh?

And their laugh will make you laugh too. I can vouch for that.

The jokes in this section are meant for your little kiddo. Share these with them and see how their face brightens up and they burst into laughter! You can thank me later.

What is corn’s favorite day of the year?

New Ear’s Day.

What do you say when you see someone after midnight on New Year’s Day?

I haven’t seen you since last year!

Why is the person who plans the Time’s Square celebration on New Year’s a failure?

They always drop the ball.

Why should you put your calendar in the freezer?

To start off the new year in a cool way.

What group hates New Year’s Day?

The New Year’s Eve clean-up crew.

What does the Easter Bunny say on New Year’s Day?

Hoppy New Year!

What’s the luckiest band on New Year’s Day?

Black-Eyed Peas.

What New Year’s resolution should a basketball player never make?

To travel more.

What does a ghost say on January 1st?

Happy boo year!

Where did the math teacher hang out on New Year’s Eve?

Times Square.

What happened to the person who stole a calendar on New Year’s Eve?

They got 12 months!

What’s a cow’s favorite night of the year?

Moo Year’s Eve.

Where can you find comedians at a New Year’s Eve party?

In the punchline.

What did the farmer give his wife on New Year’s Eve?

Hogs and kisses.

What do snowmen do on New Year’s Eve?

Chill out.

What should people never eat on New Year’s Eve?

Firecrackers.

What did Dad say at 11:59 on New Year’s Eve?

I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year.

Why did someone sprinkle sugar on their pillow on New Year’s Eve?

They wanted to start the year with sweet dreams.

What was the caterpillar’s New Year’s resolution?

To turn over a new leaf.

What is a spider’s resolution for the new year?

To browse the web less frequently.

What did the kids have to say about the firework at the new year?

It was a blast.

Where would you go on New Year to complete your math homework?

Times Square.

Why was the snowman unable to attend the New Year’s Eve party?

He wished to chill out.

New Year Eve’s Jokes

New Year Eve's Jokes

Did you make any plans on how you will celebrate this new year’s eve?

If you haven’t zeroed in on doing something, then you can always read these hilarious jokes to your close people.

And even if you have planned something, making people laugh is always in, especially if that is on the eve of the new year!

Laughter and celebrations go hand in hand, you know. So where there is any celebration, you can hear people laughing and making merriment too. And these jokes serve the purpose really well.

All you need is your closest set of people, and these jokes will do their thing!

Why do you need a bell in December?

To help ring in the New Year!

What did the bull say on January 1st?

Happy New Steer.

What’s a New Year’s resolution?

Something that goes in one year and out the other.

Why was 2022 such a blur?

Your resolution must have been too low.

What do you say to a cow on December 31st?

Happy Moo Year!

Why should you have your left foot in the air on New Year’s?

To make sure you start the new year on the right one!

Where do herbs celebrate New Year’s?

Thyme’s Square.

What did Adam say to Eve on December 31st?

It’s New Year’s Eve!

Why do you need a jeweler on December 31st?

To ring in the New Year.

Why should you never annoy fireworks on New Year’s?

You might just set them off!

What’s the one type of pain that’s enjoyable on New Year’s?

Cham-pain!

What does the little champagne bottle call the big bottle?

Pop!

Why do you want someone with a bubbly personality at the New’s Party?

They always bring Champagne!

Why should you always pace yourself on New Year’s?

You might make some ‘pour’ decisions!

Celebrating New Year’s has many pros, so what’s the biggest con?

The con-fetti!

What should you say to a New Year’s performer?

Don’t drop the ball!

What was the brewery’s end-of-year Instagram caption?

Happy Brew Year!

What do you say to someone named Stephen at the ball-drop party?

New Year’s Steve!

My New Year’s Day resolution is to have my cup half full… of coffee.

Why do birds fly to the south on New Year’s Eve?

Because walking there would be too far.

What happened on New Year’s Eve when a firework and an iPhone were arrested?

One was charged, and another one was let off.

On January 1st, what have the cheerleaders said?

Happy New Cheers.

Why did cookie visit a doctor on new year’s day?

Due to the crumbly feeling.

During the countdown to New Year’s Eve, why do you need to stand on your left foot?

So that you can start the new year on the right foot.

On January 1st, what do criminals pay?

Restitution for the new year.

Why do so many vampires gather on the streets on New Year’s Eve?

For the Time of Old Fang.

What should you put on first when the new year begins?

Your glasses.

Dirty New Year Jokes

Dirty New Year Jokes

A little bit of dirtiness never hurts, if you know what I mean! So, how can you imagine welcoming this new year without some dirty jokes?

Are you planning to spend new year’s eve with your friends or your partner? Do you want to make them blush and laugh at the same time?

This set of dirty jokes about the new year will serve the purpose well.

We tend to be our dirtiest selves when we are with our closest friends or with our partners. We say things that sometimes cross all the boundaries of dirtiness. But we still don’t care as we know that we are with our favorite people.

And we crack some of the dirtiest jokes that one can ever imagine!

That is where my collection of new year’s dirty jokes comes into the picture. Share the following jokes with your friends and see how they fall on each other’s lap laughing.

  • Hey baby, if you want to see some real fireworks… then follow me to the boom-boom room.
  • I don’t care about seeing this year’s ball drop, because the only things I want to see dropping are your pants.
  • Pardon me, I think I just saw my first mistake of 2023.. it’s you. Let’s get out of here.
  • If your New Year’s resolution was to have more luck, then I have good news for you. You’re about to get lucky.
  • My New Year’s resolution is to do more cardio. I’d like to start that with a ‘walk of shame’ home from your place tomorrow morning.
  • This year, my resolution is to kiss you at midnight — and be banging you by 12:15.
  • Here’s to giving less f*cks in 2023— except to you, of course. Like, starting now.
  • There’s only one cork I want to pop more than a champagne bottle’s at midnight. Spoiler alert: It’s yours.
  • Happy New Year! Here’s to making better bad decisions in 2023 — starting with what I am about to do with you. Let’s go!

New Year Jokes One Liners

New Year Jokes One Liners

One-liners never fail to amuse you, especially if you are a witty person. They are short but very effective in making people laugh.

There are many one-liners available on the internet. Here I have added the funniest of them all. When you read these loud, you are sure to make people go LOL!

Don’t worry if you have kids with you. These one-liner jokes about the new year are kids-friendly, allowing you to share them while your kids are around.

Keep reading!

  • My New Year’s resolution was to read more, so I turned on the subtitles on my TV.
  • I’m going to stay up late this New Year’s Eve—not to ring in the New Year, but to make sure this one leaves.
  • My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’ll start tomorrow.
  • “Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.” Bill Vaughan
  • My New Year’s resolution was to stay out of shape. Maybe I won’t stick to this one either.
  • I was going to give up all of my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that no one likes a quitter.
  • Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve—it’s December 31st.
  • At the beginning of the year, I made a resolution to lose 15 pounds. Only 20 more to go!
  • I’m not buying a 2022 calendar until I see the trailer.
  • We can’t let this year end: That would be admitting that 2021.
  • Why did the woman start cracking up on New Year’s? She saw her husband’s resolutions!
  • What was the optometrist’s favorite New Year’s celebration? 2020.
  • How can you keep a New Year’s resolution to read more while never opening a book? Watch TV with subtitles.
  • Why is partying in Times Square overrated? The organizers drop the ball every year!
  • Did you hear about the Guy who started making breakfast at midnight on December 31st? He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!
  • Why did the woman start making breakfast at 11:59 p.m. on December 31st? She wanted a New Year’s toast.
  • What’s the difference between being young and old on New Year’s? When you’re young, you’re allowed to stay up till 12, old age is when you’re forced to.
  • Which New Year’s resolution is always successful? A resolution to break a resolution.
  • I hate it when they drop the ball in Times Square. It reminds me of what I did all year!
  • What does every New Year have in store for us? Another 365 days!
  • Why should you smooch an 8 on New Year’s? It leaves room for growth.
  • What do New Year’s parades and Santa have in common? No one is ever awake to see them.

Knock Knock New Year Jokes

Knock Knock New Year Jokes

Knock-knock jokes are hilarious, but they can be silly too. This makes it perfect for sharing with your kids and those who are kids at heart!

Did I tell you that knock-knock jokes are my favorite kind of jokes?

The best thing I like about these jokes is that they are engaging. The person you are telling the joke to gets to participate in this too.

For example, if you say, “knock-knock,” the audience needs to say, “who’s there?

And then, when you say the next line, they need to question again, which leads to your answer in the last line.

This keeps your audience glued to your jokes till they get to hear the answer. Isn’t that fun?

And celebrating the new year is all about enjoyment, party, food, drinks, and laughter. Right?

So, what are you waiting for?

Let the fun begin with these funny knock knock new year jokes!

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Cheese.

Cheese who?

For cheese a jolly good fellow

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Mary and Abby!

Mary and Abby who?

Merry Christmas and Abby new year.

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Razor.

Razor who?

Razor glass and toast to a happy new year.

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Howie.

Howie who?

Howie going to stay up until midnight; you look tired already.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Abby.

Abby who?

Abby New Year. 
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Conclusion

Did you enjoy my collection of the best new year jokes? Which section did you like the most?

Don’t forget to tell me in the comments!

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