Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ‘No-bell’ Prize.
Do you know why some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.
Are you already laughing? Well, welcome to the world of dad jokes!
So, if you are still wondering what a dad joke is, let me tell you a bit about it. Dad jokes are a kind of corny jokes that dads love to impress everyone with. They are mostly based on puns.
Do you remember when your dad told you those jokes that made you groan and say, “Dad, please stop!”? But then you were already laughing secretly because they were actually funny!
So, yes, that is what a dad joke is. They are so bad that they are super funny and make you giggle.
My dad is very jolly. Right from childhood, he made efforts to make us laugh. And that is when he used to come up with corny dad jokes.
Those jokes were so predictable, sick, and hilarious that my sister and I used to beg him to stop. But then we had a good laugh every time he came up with one!
Do you love hearing dad jokes? Or do you want to share some with your favorite people?
I have a huge collection of the best dad jokes that can tickle your funny bone in the right places!
Best Dad Jokes for All
As you may already know, dad jokes are those super sick and super corny jokes that most of our dads tell us, and we go, “Oh, dad, not again!”
But no matter how corny these jokes are, you cannot deny the fact that they are actually funny and can leave you in splits. Isn’t it?
How about sharing some hilarious dad jokes with him?
You will see that infectious smile on your dad’s face, no doubt.
And did I tell you that dad jokes are meant not just for dads?
There are dad jokes for kids, adults, and your entire family.
If you arrange a get-together with your friends and family, you can share some of these funny dad jokes to crack everyone up and have a great time together.
Now, are you wondering what dad jokes you can share with your loved ones and where to find them?
If you are reading this, you don’t have to go anywhere else. I have just what you need!
Here I have come up with a list of some of the best dad jokes you may ever have. In addition, you can find one-liners, puns, question-answer dad jokes, parenting dad jokes, wife dad jokes, and whatnot.
All you need is to sit back, scroll and have a great time laughing!
So, are you ready?
Read on.
Corny Dad Jokes
When someone says, “dad jokes,” what is the first thing or word that comes to your mind?
Well, the first word that comes to my mind is “corny.” Yes, because that is what most dad jokes are!
They are super corny. And that is what differentiates them from other kinds of jokes. These jokes can make you say, “that’s enough,” but at the same time, you may want to hear more such jokes.
That is the specialty of dad jokes. I have always liked dad jokes, not just because my hero-my dad said them, but because I found them funny despite being so corny.
Do you have a similar feeling about dad jokes? Do you secretly like corny jokes, no matter how you show that you don’t?
Then this section is for you!
Share my selection of the best corny dad jokes with your favorite people, and have a wonderful time together.
- I’m afraid of the calendar. Its days are numbered.
- My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
- My boss told me to enjoy my day, so I left for home.
- When I visited the zoo, I noticed a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper claimed it was bread raised in captivity.
- Have you seen my sunglasses, dad? No, I only have my dad’s glasses.
- Time flies like a pointed arrow. Fruit flies like bananas….
- Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole-in-one!
- Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
- What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.
- What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sophisticated.
- How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.
- If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
- I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. It turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
- What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
- Dear Math, grow up and solve your problems.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
- Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.
- What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
- Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.
- I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
- How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
- What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
- What did the zero say to the eight? That belt looks good on you.
- A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.’
- Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is!
- I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
- What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where’s Pop Corn?
- What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
- What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
- Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
- What has more letters than the alphabet? The post office!
- Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
- What do you call a poor Santa Claus? St. Nickel-less.
- I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.
- Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the boat doc.
- I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
- My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!
- My wife told me that I had ruined her birthday. I don’t know how I did that since I had no idea it was her birthday.
- How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
- Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
- I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
- What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
- Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
- What did one hat say to the other? Stay here! I’m going on ahead.
- Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.
- Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
- Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be afoot.
- What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? Yellow!
- This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.
- What kind of car does an egg drive? A yolkswagen.
- Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn’t know it was on fire.
- How do you make seven even? Take away the s.
- How does a taco say grace? Lettuce pray.
- What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
- Son: “Dad, I am hungry.” Dad: Hello, I am Dad.
- What were the bad chickens lay? Deviled eggs.
- A witch’s car makes what kind of noise? Broom, broom
- What genre of music does the Easter Bunny enjoy listening to? Hip-hop.
Funny Dad Jokes
Jokes are meant to be funny, which is what these dad jokes are. They are funny, no matter how corny they are.
Are you planning to invite your friends and family to your home to have dinner together?
Then you can always keep a session after having meals, where you sit, have drinks, and share some hilarious dad jokes.
And if you have men who are dads in your group, then things will be all the more enjoyable. The dads can relate to the jokes and end up having one of the best times of their lives, laughing and sipping from their favorite glass of drink.
They may even remember some of those dad jokes, go home and tell their kids. Who knows!
And if they do that, they will thank you for widening their stock of funny dad jokes.
- Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
- Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
- What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim? Alphawetical.
- What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water? Merci.
- Why was the color green notoriously single? It was always so jaded.
- I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- I want to make a brief joke, but it’s a little cheesy.
- Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
- How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
- Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
- 5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
- Why did the bedding hide their relationship? They just wanted something pillow-key!
- You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European.
- I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.
- Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.
- What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.
- It takes guts to be an organ donor.
- What does “Rockin’ Robin” do when she’s bored? Tweet.
- I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
- How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.
- Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
- Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
- What’s a crafty dancer’s favorite hobby? Cutting a rug.
- How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.
- What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
- What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
- Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
- What one DNA said the other DNA? Does having these genes make me appear overweight?
- Why did the pig have ink all over it? Because it had to live in pen.
- Have you heard about the kid who began a shoelace-tying company in the playground? Yes, it was a knot for capital.
- What does the term “idk” mean? All of the people I ask respond, “I don’t know.”
One Liner Dad Jokes
I like one-liner jokes the most.
I like how they can make people laugh with just a single line. And that’s really great. Because, to me, making people laugh is one of the best qualities one can have.
But you know, one-liner dad jokes are not for everyone because not everyone gets them.
Do you have friends who are quite intelligent and can actually make fun of themselves?
Then, buddy, they are the right people to share one-liner dad jokes with. They will get the humor in your one line and have a great time laughing with you.
Following are some of the best one-liner dad jokes that you can share!
- I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
- A guy walks into a bar…and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
- You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg.
- When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know…
- Do you wanna box for your leftovers? No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
- That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted.
- Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.
- If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- What country’s capital is growing the fastest? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
- I once had a dream that I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea.
- Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They’re making headlines.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay, he woke up.
- A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here.’
- I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn’t concentrate.
- I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
- Have you ever tried to catch a fog? I tried yesterday but I mist.
- I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
- How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
- Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.
- I’ve got a great joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
- I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.
- I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!
- I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.
- You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent.
- What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
- What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
- I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
- What’s the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant.
- I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.
- Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
- If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.
- It takes guts to be an organ donor.
- If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
- I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
- I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
Dad Joke Puns
Do you know what you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates!
Did it tickle you in the right places?
Again, not everyone gets puns the way you want them to get them!
Confused?
Welcome to the world of puns!
Puns can be confusing at times, and then it can be so simple at times that you don’t get the humor in it.
So, while sharing dad joke puns with your gang, you have to pay close attention to the type of audience you have. And then, you have to select the puns according to them.
If your friends are witty, you can share puns with them any day because I’m sure they will get the humor in them and end up laughing.
But if you share the puns with a younger age group, you may need to be selective.
Following are some dad joke puns that are sure to brighten your day!
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
- What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
- What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
- What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
- Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
- Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.
- What does garlic do when it gets hot? It takes its cloves off.
- What’s a robot’s favorite snack? Computer chips.
- How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh? Nothing, it’s on the house.
- Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
- What do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
- Why are piggy banks so wise? They’re filled with common cents.
- Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
- How do you get a good price on a sled? You have toboggan.
- How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark.
- I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
- What do you call a hot dog on wheels? Fast food!
- Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
- Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
- Can February March? No, but April May!
- How do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya!
- Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.
- What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
- Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants.
- I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
- Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
- I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
- What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
- I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks!
- Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
- What did the coffee report to the police? A mugging.
- What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam.
- Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
- If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does it make you? An iWitness.
Best Bad Dad Jokes
Dad jokes are mostly considered bad jokes. But what if those bad jokes can make you laugh like there is no tomorrow?
Well, that is when those bad jokes become the best bad jokes! And that is what I am going to list in this section.
The dad jokes in this section are so bad that they can make your stomach pain in laughter, and you may want to stop reading these jokes, gasping for air to breathe!
I came up with the following jokes that I shared with my friends. And from their reaction, I can say that these bad dad jokes are what you need to transform your boring get-together into one that is filled with loud laughter!
So, are you ready to make people laugh?
Share the following dad jokes – the best you can find on the internet!
- I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
- Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
- Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
- I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.
- What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A lamborghini.
- What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.
- What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
- If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
- Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
- I signed up for a marathon, but how will I know if it’s the real deal or just a run through?
- When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
- What did the juicer say to the orange during self-quarantine? Can’t wait to squeeze you!
- What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
- Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
- Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, “That’s a novel concept.”
- Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
Best Dad Jokes for Kids
No, I haven’t forgotten about the kids.
Being a mommy myself, I know how important it is to make your kids enjoy a get-together or a party. And that is where dad jokes for kids come into the picture.
These jokes keep your kids occupied. They sit in one place, listen to the jokes, laugh at them, and you can have time for themselves.
Is there anything better than this?
It is not that difficult to make kids laugh. And dad jokes do the job pretty well.
So, the next time you plan a party or a get-together with your closest people, don’t forget to include some dad jokes for kids.
After all, happy kids mean happy you!
Following are some of the best dad jokes for kids that you can use.
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- How does the rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.
- What do you call a shoe made out of a banana? A slipper.
- How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
- Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the dock.
- Can February March? No, but April May!
- What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
- Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
- Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae school.
- What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries
- Where do burgers go dancing? At the meatball.
- What time do ducks wake up? At the quack of dawn.
- Why was the broom late? It over-swept.
- What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
- Where do books hide when they’re afraid? Under their covers.
- How do trees get on the internet? They log in.
- What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat.
- What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.
- What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
- What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.
- What do cows like to read? Cattle-logs.
- How did the farmer fix his torn overalls? With a cabbage patch.
- How much money does a skunk have? Just one scent.
- What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish? Swimming trunks.
- What kind of cereal do leprechauns eat? Lucky Charms.
- What do you call recently-married spiders? Newly-webs.
- Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado.
- What do you get when you cross a Smurf and a cow? Blue cheese.
- What happens when ice cream gets angry? It has a meltdown.
- What do you call a locomotive carrying bubble gum? A chew chew train.
- How do you get a mouse to smile? Say “cheese.”
- Why couldn’t the bike stand up on its own? It was too tired.
- What do you call a sheep that knows karate? A lamb chop.
- Why did the snowman buy a bag of carrots? He wanted to pick his nose.
- What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? That hit the spot.
- How do you know when a bike is thinking? You can see its wheels turning.
- What does a librarian use to go fishing? A bookworm.
- What did one leaf say to the other? I’m falling for you.
- Where’s the one place you should never take your dog? A flea market.
- How does Darth Vader like his bagels? On the dark side.
- What do you call spaghetti in disguise? An impasta.
- Why did the tailor get fired? He wasn’t a good fit.
- Where do elephants store luggage? In a trunk.
Best Question and Answer Dad Jokes
The jokes are always entertaining. And when the jokes are in the form of questions and answers, it makes the whole thing all the more engaging and of course, entertaining.
This format of jokes is liked not only by kids but also by adults.
Kids have a lot of queries about a lot of things. So, naturally, they come up with a lot of questions.
These jokes allow you to ask them questions, and that too, funny ones. This makes the entire session of sharing dad jokes a lot more enjoyable and fun.
Adults, on the other hand, get super excited to answer these hilarious questions and answer dad jokes.
So, are you ready to share the following jokes?
Read on.
Why are balloons so expensive?
Inflation
What is the most popular time for a dentist appointment?
Tooth hurty
Do you want to hear two short jokes and a long joke?
Joke! Joke! Jooooooooooooooooke.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese!
Why can’t you send a duck to space?
Because the bill would be astronomical.
What side of a tree grows the most branches?
The outside!
What happened when the world’s tongue-twister champion got arrested?
They gave him a tough sentence.
Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!
What do you call a fish with no eye?
A fsh.
What breed of dog can jump higher than a skyscraper?
Any breed of dog. Skyscrapers can’t jump.
Why are elevator jokes so good?
They work on many levels.
Why are peppers the best at archery?
Because they habanero.
What state is known for its tiny beverages?
Minnesota
Why did the computer get mad at the printer?
Because it didn’t like its toner voice.
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon?
“I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament?
Live stream it.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
It was very sweepy.
Why are nurses always running out of red crayons?
Because they often have to draw blood.
Did you hear about the square that got into a car accident?
Yeah, now he’s a rect-angle!
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
It is either one or the utter.
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
Why can’t you ever run through a campsite?
You can only ran — it’s always past tents.
Why was the woman afraid for the calendar?
She said its days were numbered.
Why is it hard to understand volunteers?
Because they make no cents.
What did the police officer say to his belly-button?
You’re under a vest.
What’s the easiest way to burn 1,000 calories?
Leave the pizza in the oven.
What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Mississippi.
What’s the difference between a badly dressed kid on a bicycle and a well dressed kid on a tricycle?
Attire!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna One, Anna Two
Did you hear about the king who was exactly 12 inches tall?
He was a great ruler!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter.
How do you cure a fear of a speed bump?
You slowly get over it.
What’s the difference between a “dad joke” and a “bad joke?”
The direction of the first letter.
When does a regular joke become a “dad joke?”
When it becomes apparent.
Best Dad Jokes About “My Wife”
If you are a husband and have a wife, you will get these jokes really well, if you know what I mean!
There are tons of jokes about wives available on the internet. And they are enough to pull your wife’s legs!
Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about.
My wife told me she’d slam my head on the keyboard if I didn’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried. I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
Did you get the joke here?
If you are already laughing, then let me tell you, this section is dedicated to that only.
Are you planning a get-together with your couple-friends?
Then you can share the following dad jokes about wives with them. They are going to be a superhit. Trust me.
- I think my wife is putting glue on my antique guns collection. She denies it but I’m sticking to my guns.
- My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
- My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.
- My wife told me she didn’t understand cloning. I told her, “That makes two of us.”
- My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.
- When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
- After dinner my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it.
- Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.
- My wife gave me an ultimatum: Her or my addiction to sweets. The decision was a piece of cake.
- My wife told me to quit doing my terrible Arnold impression, but don’t worry, I’ll return.
- “Just look at that couple down the road,” a wife told her husband. “He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her. Why can’t you do that?” “Are you insane?” he responded. “I barely know the woman!”
- I was sitting on the back porch with my wife when I suddenly blurted out, “I love you.” “Is that you or the beer talking?” she asked. I answered, “It’s me… talking to my beer.”
- “Siri,” I asked my phone, “why am I so bad with women?” She responded, “I’m Bixby, you moron.”
- My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. “She obviously has COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. “Because she has no taste.”
- Marriage involves three rings: The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring.
- “Your wife and daughter look like twins,” my friend said. “Well,” I replied, “they were separated at birth.”
- One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.” “If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend. “I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.”
- I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife’s bickering between songs.
- I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing.
- My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.
- My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I posted on Facebook, “I’m getting a divorce,” she was the first one to like it.
Parenting Dad Jokes
Parenting is not an easy feat. If you are a parent, you will understand what I mean!
When you see a couple with a baby at a restaurant, you judge them and feel that you will be better at handling a kid. But that is just until you become a parent!
It takes a lot to handle a baby and take care of them day and night. Sometimes you may feel frustrated, angry, guilty, and have zero motivation to continue carrying out your job as a parent.
But you get all cheered up when you see that happy smile on your kid’s face or when they do something silly.
I think handling a toddler is the most challenging phase of being a parent. It is the time when they do things at times that makes you mad.
The other day, my toddler emptied her entire powder bottle on the floor, slipped on it, fell on the floor, and hurt her head. Now don’t get me started on how I cleaned it!
All these had given birth to tons of parenting dad jokes. I have listed down the best ones in this section!
- My wife and I have decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty badly.
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
- My daughter just shrieked at me, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” What an odd way to begin a conversation.
- I have a great joke about nepotism. But I’ll only tell it to my kids.
- Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is? No sun.
- What happened when the ten-year-old cannibal spilled his soup? His mother gave him an earful.
- I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
- I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my eighteen brothers and sisters but they didn’t have any idea either.
- My parents raised me as an only child. Which really annoyed my younger brother.
- I tell dad jokes but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa!
- A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”
- Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
- “What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
- Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.” “Oh yeah?” the son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”
- A father tells his son that he was adopted. “I want to meet my biological parents,” the son demands. “We are your biological parents,” the father responds. “Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.”
- A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. “That means a lot.” The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”
- Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
- My dad died because he couldn’t remember his blood type. He kept insisting we “be positive,” but it’s just so hard without him.
- I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me.
- I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
Best Dad Jokes for Adults
If you are going to spend some time with your closest friends, then sharing adult jokes becomes mandatory!
Our friends are like our family. They are someone we can share all our joys and sorrows with, knowing they have our back no matter what.
And when such friends come together after a long time, it is natural to discuss your personal and professional life. Also, it is when you share the naughtiest and dirtiest jokes of all time!
This is where dad jokes for adults come into the picture.
So are you ready to make your favorite people have a great time unwinding and chilling?
Share the following jokes with them!
- Why did the poodle buy a clock? It wanted to be a watch dog.
- Why do birds fly south? Because it’s too far to talk.
- What do you call a fly with a sore throat? A hoarse fly.
- Dogs can’t operate MRI machines — but cats-can.
- If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?
- I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a grape.
- Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.
- It was an emotional wedding — even the cake was in tiers.
- Why did Waldo go to therapy? To find himself.
- I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
- Our vacuum cleaner is getting old. It’s just gathering dust.
- Why did the thief take a shower before robbing the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
- What do lawyers wear to work? Law suits.
- Why was the traffic light late to work? It took too long to change.
- Why do hamburgers go south for the winter? So they don’t freeze their buns.
- Why didn’t the sun go to college? It already had a million degrees.
- What do you call someone who can’t stick to a diet? A desserter.
- Why did the little strawberry cry? His mom was in a jam.
- Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
- What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
- Why did the whale blush? It saw the ocean’s bottom.
- Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job.
- I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
- Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
- I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
- Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
- I haven’t talked to my wife in a week — I didn’t want to interrupt her.
- Why are pigs bad drivers? They hog the road.
- I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
- Why did police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.
- What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips.
- How do frogs invest their money? They use a stock croaker.
- Did you hear about the whale that swallowed a clown? It felt funny after.
- The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Conclusion
These are some of the best dad jokes that I can come up with. If you are willing to have a fun-filled time with your family and friends, keep this list of jokes handy, as there are jokes for everyone.
Which section of jokes did you enjoy the most?
Tell me in the comments!
Hi, I am Claudia, I run TheQueenMomma’s content creation team, personally focusing on topics which add joy to people’s life. You would usually see me writing on topics like Jokes, Riddles, Truth & Dare as well as Baby Names etc.
In my professional career, I have a Bachelor’s and Master’s in sociology and specialize in media and crime. Once I finished my education, I began my career working as a journalist, reporting on various topics like crime, justice and family law. Even though I valued journalism, I came to the realization that I wanted to have a more immediate impact in people’s lives as well as bring joy to them.