If you love your child, you should STOP saying these words

love your child - mindful parenting

There are many ways to love your child and discipline them the right way. In disciplining your child, you may sometimes resort to spanking them, but nothing is more painful than to hear bad words from us, parents. In the midst of frustration and anger, we say things unintentionally to our kids. Instead of provoking sweet laughter from children, we tend to evoke through dropping cruel words. Some words lower their confidence, make them cry or worse, instantly destroy the relationship we’ve been building for quite some time.

While it may take some time and effort, you must stop saying these following words to your little ones:

As you read through, please dig deeper.

“You’re a bad girl/boy!”

Never call your child a “bad girl” or “bad boy” when you’re reprimanding them. Distinguish between the child as an individual and their behavior by saying something like, “That’s not nice” or “I love you, and what you did is a bad thing”. The choice of language can make the difference. If a child thinks they are wrong at their core, they will wonder how they can change that. But if they realize they have done something wrong, they can make amends by apologizing and committing to changing their behavior.

“You are stupid.”

If there’s one word all parents should lose from their vocabulary, it’s “stupid.”  Don’t say the phrase, “You’re stupid” to make your child think that is the case. Any way you use it sounds insulting, what more for a child? Choose your words carefully and use your best judgment to decide how not to sound judgmental. Build a sense of authority that is harmless for your child.

“I’m done with you!”

To a kid who is just starting to discover the world, a small scrape is one of the most agonizing experience they will feel. While your instinct wants to reassure him/her that it doesn’t hurt much, you’ll just worsen his/her emotional breakdown. Your role here is to let him understand and overcome his emotions. Give him/her a warm hug and empathize on what he feels.  

“Be like your sister/brother”

Sibling rivalries can be incredibly psychologically damaging. In fact, violence in a family home is more likely to be between siblings than between parents and kids. Never compare your children with their brother/sister. It makes them jealous. It drives the feeling of failure in your kids and develops hatred between siblings.

“You can’t do this.”

Never disrupt your child’s self-confidence. If you want to learn a skill, then let them spend more time doing it and honing their skills it. When you tell them they simply can’t do a thing, they would think that what they are doing is not perfect or correct at all, or that they are incompetent. This puts them too much pressure and further scares them to disappoint you. Avoid doing that. For a rule of thumb, encourage your kids to enhance their skills by explaining to them that it’s the best feeling to improve.

“No one wants a kid like you.”

If kids become problematic, it’s the parents who are to be questioned, not the child. The children are a reflection of their parents. They first learned everything from the inside of their homes.

 

Protect your children’s innocence and allow them to remain children. They must not be burdened by adult problems. Children do not have the coping skills or the intellectual capacity to understand money worries, adult relationship problems, or their parent’s unhappiness.

 

See how deep those words can be? Be mindful of what you say to your kids. You are their model and inspiration. You’ll be the one to mold them to become a good person. Keep a calm and age-appropriate way of approaching your angels.

 

41 thoughts on “If you love your child, you should STOP saying these words

  1. Some really useful tips. I think it is important to understand how kids perceive things as it can have a life long impact.

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  2. I like your list! Especially about affording things. I try to avoid any comments or conversations that have to do with money when it comes to the kids.

  3. I agree with every single one, especially wait till your Dad gets home. I cringe when I hear moms say that. My husband is not the bad guy. We both discipline our children.

    1. That’s great, mommy Michelle! I exactly agree with your point. Good thing your hubby is being a great disciplinarian too. 🙂

  4. I think “I am proud of you” is totally fine to say. Just follow up with why you are proud of your child. I always tell my children that I’m proud of their hard work, their diligence, etc.

  5. Great advice! The cannot afford it one really resonates. My son would always ask me if we are poor after I had said we cannot afford something. And he looked sad. Although we are not rich, we are not poor as we can afford most of the stuff we need and there are a lot of poor people out there!

    1. Definitely that’s the spirit of this post, mommy! We may not see it visibly but deep inside it really affects our children’s psychology.

    1. Thank you so much, definitely how we deal with kids nurture them as individuals whether we are the parent or simply the educator.

  6. This is a very interesting post with a unique perspective- one I definitely hadn’t explored before but it forced me to think about things I was told growing up and how I interpreted them- great post!

  7. Telling kids you will do things for them affect their self esteem and confidence. This may affect them later on in school and their classmates will start looking down on them.
    I learnt something new though, I never thought saying “I’m proud of you” has bad impact on kids too. This is a great article, I will make use of the tips when I start having kids.
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  8. I know can see where I got the perfectionism problem going on. I cant do a thing and feel like it was amazing because nothing seems perfect. And I keep trying but is a goal you never reach, because never you will feel you are perfect at all. Thanks so much for sharing those tips, I always say to my son how proud Im of him, I’ll find a better way to congratulate him.

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