There are many ways to love your child and discipline them the right way. In disciplining your child, you may sometimes resort to spanking them, but nothing is more painful than to hear bad words from us, parents. In the midst of frustration and anger, we say things unintentionally to our kids. Instead of provoking sweet laughter from children, we tend to evoke through dropping cruel words. Some words lower their confidence, make them cry or worse, instantly destroy the relationship we’ve been building for quite some time.
While it may take some time and effort, you must stop saying these following words to your little ones:
As you read through, please dig deeper.
“You’re a bad girl/boy!”
Never call your child a “bad girl” or “bad boy” when you’re reprimanding them. Distinguish between the child as an individual and their behavior by saying something like, “That’s not nice” or “I love you, and what you did is a bad thing”. The choice of language can make the difference. If a child thinks they are wrong at their core, they will wonder how they can change that. But if they realize they have done something wrong, they can make amends by apologizing and committing to changing their behavior.
“You are stupid.”
If there’s one word all parents should lose from their vocabulary, it’s “stupid.” Don’t say the phrase, “You’re stupid” to make your child think that is the case. Any way you use it sounds insulting, what more for a child? Choose your words carefully and use your best judgment to decide how not to sound judgmental. Build a sense of authority that is harmless for your child.
“I’m done with you!”
To a kid who is just starting to discover the world, a small scrape is one of the most agonizing experience they will feel. While your instinct wants to reassure him/her that it doesn’t hurt much, you’ll just worsen his/her emotional breakdown. Your role here is to let him understand and overcome his emotions. Give him/her a warm hug and empathize on what he feels.
“Be like your sister/brother”
Sibling rivalries can be incredibly psychologically damaging. In fact, violence in a family home is more likely to be between siblings than between parents and kids. Never compare your children with their brother/sister. It makes them jealous. It drives the feeling of failure in your kids and develops hatred between siblings.
“You can’t do this.”
Never disrupt your child’s self-confidence. If you want to learn a skill, then let them spend more time doing it and honing their skills it. When you tell them they simply can’t do a thing, they would think that what they are doing is not perfect or correct at all, or that they are incompetent. This puts them too much pressure and further scares them to disappoint you. Avoid doing that. For a rule of thumb, encourage your kids to enhance their skills by explaining to them that it’s the best feeling to improve.
“No one wants a kid like you.”
If kids become problematic, it’s the parents who are to be questioned, not the child. The children are a reflection of their parents. They first learned everything from the inside of their homes.
Protect your children’s innocence and allow them to remain children. They must not be burdened by adult problems. Children do not have the coping skills or the intellectual capacity to understand money worries, adult relationship problems, or their parent’s unhappiness.
See how deep those words can be? Be mindful of what you say to your kids. You are their model and inspiration. You’ll be the one to mold them to become a good person. Keep a calm and age-appropriate way of approaching your angels.
Hey there, Martha here, a full-time mom of two, currently trying to bring a small impact in everyone’s life whom I can reach through The Queen Momma. I usually write on topics related to parenting, pregnancy and motherhood. Having gone through a few rocky relationships myself, I consider myself somewhat of an “expert” on topics related to dating and relationships.
I formerly worked at Special Needs Network Inc and BrightStar Care of Beverly Hills as a head manager. I have a passion for assisting organizations and individuals in achieving their objectives and have had the opportunity to do so throughout my professional career. At present, writing for The Queen Momma is a great addition to my professional career.
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I did not expect some of these phrases to be on here, but now I see why. Great post!
This is a great write up.
Some really useful tips. I think it is important to understand how kids perceive things as it can have a life long impact.
myfootprintsaroundtheglobe.com
Great advice
Very good points made here! I think I am guilty of all of them.
I like your list! Especially about affording things. I try to avoid any comments or conversations that have to do with money when it comes to the kids.
Very inspiring read to a first time mum! Great advice . Thank you.
You’re most welcome, fellow mommy! 🙂
I agree with every single one, especially wait till your Dad gets home. I cringe when I hear moms say that. My husband is not the bad guy. We both discipline our children.
That’s great, mommy Michelle! I exactly agree with your point. Good thing your hubby is being a great disciplinarian too. 🙂
Really great advice. I don’t have children, but this is great to keep in mind for my students.
Kids pick up so much. It’s so important that we are responsible about what we say to them
This was insightful. Words I’ve often used and I understand how they can be misleading. Thank you for sharing.
It’s a very good article. Sometimes we thought these words are okay but we really need to be mindful. Thanks for sharing!
I think “I am proud of you” is totally fine to say. Just follow up with why you are proud of your child. I always tell my children that I’m proud of their hard work, their diligence, etc.
Yes! Definitely that’s why we have to be specific. 🙂
Great advice, thanks for sharing!
The Girl! x
http://www.girlbehindthelook.com/blog
These are all great things to think about when parenting!
Totally agree with “I’ll do it for you” 🙂
I have told my sister in law about the ” i will do it for you” phrase too many times, it is just no right at all.
You definitely got it, girl! 🙂
Great advice! The cannot afford it one really resonates. My son would always ask me if we are poor after I had said we cannot afford something. And he looked sad. Although we are not rich, we are not poor as we can afford most of the stuff we need and there are a lot of poor people out there!
Definitely that’s the spirit of this post, mommy! We may not see it visibly but deep inside it really affects our children’s psychology.
This is such a short but powerful post. I am not a mom but I am a teacher. It is so useful for me as well, that I can use it in my class.
Thank you so much, definitely how we deal with kids nurture them as individuals whether we are the parent or simply the educator.
I may not have children, but I have two nieces, so that’s very helpful!
Thanks!
You’re most welcome! 🙂
This is a very interesting post with a unique perspective- one I definitely hadn’t explored before but it forced me to think about things I was told growing up and how I interpreted them- great post!
Telling kids you will do things for them affect their self esteem and confidence. This may affect them later on in school and their classmates will start looking down on them.
I learnt something new though, I never thought saying “I’m proud of you” has bad impact on kids too. This is a great article, I will make use of the tips when I start having kids.
http://www.doingitnaturalblog.com
I think that the last point really deserves to be mentioned. Great advice! Thanks for sharing!! 🙂
I learnt somethings today that i thought was initially right. Thanks for the post.
This list is inspiring ! Great advice !
Ill be using this at home and at worn! (I work at a school)
I know can see where I got the perfectionism problem going on. I cant do a thing and feel like it was amazing because nothing seems perfect. And I keep trying but is a goal you never reach, because never you will feel you are perfect at all. Thanks so much for sharing those tips, I always say to my son how proud Im of him, I’ll find a better way to congratulate him.
Really good points- worth noting
Nice advice! Always praise your child that will boost their confidence.
Great learning from the article
Nice post
Thanks for sharing! Some good suggestions